Le Chiam Yeshua !

2006-07-31T13:00:00.000+08:00

Goodbye folks

This short entry will be my last post.

To my dear blogger friends - Really appreciate your faithful readership.

Why am I stopping? Well maybe I'm tired of blogger. Maybe I need new stuff to do. Maybe a lot of things ... keke...

If you need to reach me, you know my email.
If you don't know my email, you probably don't need to reach me.

2006-07-28T20:37:00.000+08:00

My Sanctuary

A photo of my toilet roll.

Both Daleerius? and Kito think I'm being ridiculous.
But I think it is a nice photo :)

Purposely titled this piece My Sanctuary because very often it is in the toilet that I get my quietest undisturbed moments. Not to mention my moments of brillance.

2006-07-28T13:04:00.000+08:00

Time Discipline

Do you have Time Discipline?

I learnt this concept from a colleague. Essentially it just means setting aside an allocated amount of time for a task and sticking with it, regardless of how much you manage to accomplish within that amount of time.

Like a website I read on home management for housewives.
...For daily cleaning, you should spend no more than 15 minutes in a room clearing the things there. Use a timer so that once 15 minutes is up, you move to the next room...

Such ruthless focus and discipline is simply unheard of and unseen in naniecheng's universe. My eyes have been opened to another way of doing things.

Because of my very strong P trait (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), I am wont to spend inordinately huge amounts of time and effort just pottering in a specific task until I'm completely satisfied with it, regardless of deadlines and other taskings.

In other words, there really is no sense of timing in my world.

Of course that makes me a wonderful artist but a very very inept civil servant. Wonder how I managed to survive in this job for so long. Then again, it is the civil service. Everyone survives here.

Hmm... Time Discipline. Think I shall plunge into perfecting the art of it over the next few days ;)

2006-07-27T09:02:00.000+08:00

2006-07-27T08:31:00.000+08:00

Morning everyone!

The delicious prata this morning certainly perked my spirits up, especially from the horrid day I had yesterday both at work and home.

Sigh...

Anyway do you ladies out there have problems fixing stuff at home? It seems that whenever I try to help Hubby with household repairs, I end up making the problem worse.

Yesterday we tried to change the water heater casing (the on/off button with a red light). Sounds simple right?

1) unscrew
2) put new casing
3) screw back

Simple until mua came into the picture.

Well because of my "insistent intervention" & "bright ideas", we ended up spending 3 hours on that blasted little white box without any successful outcome. Worse still, I spoilt 2 items so now the case is really beyond repair.

It was a pathetic sight. Two of us sweating in the dark, holding a torch and a screwdriver fumbling along. Me trying to be innovative and Hubby trying desperately to keep his calm. I think it definitely was the love of God that restrained him from shouting at me.

I spent the rest of the night well out of his sight. (kinda like kaizer and kobe when they have done something wrong, like pee in the hall)

So now we have a heater case dangling precariously from the wall.

Well, at least I have my hot shower running now. Keke...

2006-07-26T08:37:00.000+08:00

BLESSED BIRTHDAY

TehPeng

Pamda Superfly

!!!

2006-07-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

End of Lutheranism Class #3

Verdict: More confusion esp regarding the theology of the Holy Communion. It was enough trying to grapple with Luther's differences with the Catholic Church. Today we learned his differences with the other protestant reformers.

Wow I really need time to think through Luther's points and come to terms with his arguments.

Well at least one thing I do know for sure from today's class.

Lutherans believe that man, if left to their own devices, will never choose Christ. Our ability to believe in God comes from Him first in the form of grace.

So in other words, there is no free will. Luther calls it "bondage of will".

I'm sure you can appreciate the ramifications of such a stand.

Questions like the following will arise inevitably:

1) Does God choose who he wants to save? (i.e. does He impart grace selectively?)

If no, then how do you explain people who die without ever knowing God?

If yes, then isn't God really unfair? Are some of us just damned from birth?

2) Can one who has received the grace of God ultimately choose to reject Him? Because if they can, then why does Christ say no one can snatch us from God's hands? Jn 10:29

3) What then is the role of human will in terms of salvation?

4) Do we still go around preaching and asking people if they would want to accept Christ? (as if acceptance was up to them to decide according to their own free will)

But let's not jump the gun and straightaway say that Luther believes in predestination the way the Calvinists do. I think there is a difference between Lutherans and Calvinists. Read somewhere that the difference is Single Predestination (lutherans) vs Double Predestination (calvinist).

Well, I look forward to the lesson on predestination according to Lutherans.

TO MY LUTHERAN BLOG READERS -

Now you know that you did not choose Christ.

Rather, Christ chose you.

Your will had nothing to do with your salvation.

beanbean >> There is this book on the history on Lutheranism that u might be keen to read. Let me go find the title first. Also, I'll fwd you the weekly lecture notes too if u like. But I'll need your email. Please email me at naniecheng@gmail.com if u want to receive the materials.

2006-07-25T17:39:00.000+08:00

Last night I dreamt I died

Last night I dreamt I died.

Funny how death has been popping up frequently in my mind these days.

Some nights I lie in bed wide awake, wondering what life would be like if one of us (b/w hubby and I) died. It's quite unimaginable.

How badly would we take it? Everyone dies some day. Some sooner than others. Will we move on? How will we move on? How will we cope?

Whenever I have such thoughts, I would turn and look at Hubby's sleeping form and then I would weep. I guess it is only when I’ve truly learnt to love that I truly understand loss.

Recently I attended the wedding of a man whose wife died just about a year ago. Now he's remarried (happily I presume). Is it really that easy?

I'm not being morbid. I just don't want Hubby to be all alone and sad when I do die one day (assuming I return to God before him). I can't stand to think of the pain he would have to undergo when I’m gone. Who will comfort him?

That's why I've started writing and leaving him little scraps of daily notes / scribblings / ramblings / grumblings (basically anything that represents our daily lives) so that when I do go finally one day, be it tomorrow or in 50 years time, he would have all these writings for remembrance.

For him to know how much I loved him and for him to be comforted and reminded of all that we've shared together. I hope all these will help to ease the pain for him and bring healing to his heart.

If he goes first, then these notes will remind me of him so I don’t feel as if I’ve lost him totally.

These notes also help me to remain cognizant of our love today, at this moment, lest I fall into the trap of taking him and what we have for granted.

It is a beautiful thing to pause in life and whisper “Thank you darling”. In that moment, time stands still for the 2 of us and the memory of what we have shared becomes a small monument of love. The more you take time out to do this, the more monuments of love you’ll accumulate and the richer you will be as a united body.

Funny how I've already started preparing for the end.

I should really be in the Insurance business. Don't you think?

A photo to share with you. Life ultimately converges in death before we are truly liberated to live as God's own.

2006-07-25T08:47:00.000+08:00

Dinner with Dr Castro

Dinner with Dr Felipe Castro on Sunday at Ivins was great. The food was delicious and the company very comfortable.

(for the more technically inclined, this was taken with a 10mm lens. Cool sia!)

For me, in many ways this current mission team (the younger ones that is) is like the group of church friends I never really had. I mean I do have good friends like visinvis but not really a group of friends that I can communicate so freely with.

Even with the church youth fellowship in the past, I've always felt sorta out of place. But I'm so comfortable in this group.

It's a nice feeling :)

2006-07-24T08:44:00.000+08:00

Love Cambodia Exhibition

Yesterday marked the first of our exhibition runs on Cambodia. I'm so glad everything went well and our church members and friends showed so much support.

It was also an opportunity to meet up with pfong and his wife.

Both Shutterbug and lil ms snooze have blogged about the event so you can read up more about their thots at their blogs. Shutterbug, btw, has some really cool shots of the event, like the 2 I've posted here. So check them out at his blog.

Everyone in the organising committee really worked hard to make this happen. Let's see, there was lilmssnooze, tehpeng, mighty mouse, little brother of mighty mouse (mini mouse? keke) kito, visible,invisible and yours truly.

The road ahead is still long as we endeavour to bring this exhibition to various churches. Call it a labour of love for it truly is one.

Have I ever explained the aim of this exhibition? Well, it's a Christian Missions Awareness Programme. Because the photos TehPeng took during our latest Cambodia trip were so evocative, the idea of using them to create awareness and interest among our church members came up. As lil ms snooze rightly puts it in her blog -

Yes, the exhibition is never about us.
Not the team that put this together, not the photographer and not even about who went on mission trips.

The photos tell the story of the need of the Cambodians and to encourage people to support mission work in their own ways - through financial support, prayer support or going on mission trips.

Dr Felipe Castro, the Filipino missionary who works in Cambodia, visited us yesterday in Church. He gave a message on true religion. What is true religion? Is it a set of rituals? Is it a set of codes of dos and don'ts? No. Let's hear what the Bible has to say about true religion.

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard."
(Is 58:6-8)

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27)

Halfway through the sermon, Dr Castro nearly broke into tears as he recounted the struggles and doubts he had about his ministry in Cambodia. He said that all his counterparts had migrated to Canada, Australia etc and were all very successful in their careers, now enjoying the fruits of their labour. But where was he? Dr Castro had his dreams too. He wanted to be renowed highly-sought-after-surgeon. He wanted to build and run hospitals. But God has instead called him to build churches, leading a humble life of labour and love. There is very little monetary rewards in this line. Sometimes his patients have no money to pay him so they give him bananas and eggs.

Dr Castro ended his sermon by saying all he ever looks forward to is a simple "Well Done" by our Lord Jesus when he finally returns home to heaven one day.

That's the spirit of missions! It's not motivated by our own charitable heart. It should be motivated first by a love from God for God and then love for people who are made in His image. Missionaries have self-doubts too and struggles. But they press on, because they know they are working for greater rewards and a satisfaction that nothing on this earth can ever give them.

And such is the aim of this exhibition.
To let our church members get in touch with this part of God's work. To be part of something much greater than themselves.
To be part of the global work that the Christ is doing.

2006-07-24T08:26:00.000+08:00

A saturday at the concert

Just the other day I attended a concert at the invitation of my church friends.

It was so delightful.

I am just reminded of the good old days when I was in the school band and how, through my instrument, I would become one with the music and the audience.

I love playing in a band. The feeling of being part of something bigger. When the music rises, the individual musician ceases to exist. There is only the music and the exhilarating thrill of riding with the song. It is simply quite magical.

All that familiar nostalgic feeling came rushing back to me last Saturday as I sat through the concert.

It was wonderful.

2006-07-23T00:17:00.000+08:00

BB Sunday

Once a year, our church will have BB installment and enrollment service. It's quite a grand affair where the boys will conduct parades in our church, hand out new ranks and awards, and install or reconfirm leaders among the boys. The church will in turn renew her vows to support and help the boys to grow up in the ways of God.

2006-07-22T10:03:00.000+08:00

Evangelical Blindness on Lebanon

This is another thought-provoking article sent to me by Hubby. Against the backdrop of the Israeli strikes into Lebanon, I feel myself struggling with what is truly right and what is truly Godly.

I've been brought up with the idea that Israel is God's chosen nation and their return to Palestine in 1949 was Biblical prophecy coming true, nothing short of a miracle from the very throneroom of God. The Bible uses Israel as the central focus when foretelling the future, as if all events leading to the end of history as we know it will revolve around this little nation smacked in the middle of Arab hostility. Thus in all things regarding Israel, I can be said to be biased.

Yet I read this impassioned reflection of a Lebanese Arab Christian now suffering at the hands of the very Israel his God swore to protect and love. And suddenly I'm not so sure anymore.

So I post this article for you to read. It's taken from Christianity Today.

---------------------------------------

Note: When covering international crises, such as the current fighting between Israel and Hezbollah, Christianity Today takes care to listen to evangelical Christian leaders in the places most affected. We may find their views corrective, provocative, or even abhorrent at times, but in each case we learn about areas where we stand together and areas where we disagree. In the case of this submission from Martin Accad, academic dean of the Arab Baptist Theological Seminary, there are many areas where we strongly agree, and there are some areas (particularly his characterization of Israel's history and U.S. diplomacy) where we strongly disagree. We present it here to illuminate at least one Lebanese Christian leader's perspective. —Editors.

* * *

By Martin Accad

It is normally easy enough for me to dismiss with a smirk some of the simplistic comments that I constantly read or hear from Christians around the world as pertains to events that are going on in the Middle East. These comments hit much deeper at a time when my country is once again hurting beyond pain, under the murderous aggression of Israeli armed forces for the past five days.

It is striking how normally highly reasonable and spiritually aware people can suddenly lose any sense of ethical, let alone Christian, balance when it comes to Middle East conflicts involving modern political Israel.

"Great. All we need is a nuclear-armed Iran led by a messianic president who hates Israel and believes that apocalyptic destruction is a precursor to global salvation," writes David P. Gushee in a recent Christianity Today online column, in reference to Iran's president Ahmadinejad. On the whole, Gushee's article is fairly balanced from a certain point of view, and I suppose within the limits necessary to avoid being attacked and branded by those in our churches who have but disdain for Arabs.

But how is it that he, like so many others, fails to notice that world events in the last few years—even decades—have had as their main catalyst tens of thousands of evangelical Christians with a "messianic" mentality who believe that apocalyptic destruction of all but their beloved Israel will be "a precursor to global salvation"?

"Nuclear-armed Iran"? How about the Israeli jet planes that are bombing, as I write, my country and its population, my sisters, my brothers, my fathers and mothers and grandfathers, my children and nieces and nephews? According to the Lebanese health minister, Israel is even using phosphoric bombs, which are forbidden under international conventions! Are my people to consider Iran more dangerous than this? Are we safely in good hands with such actions? Come with me to Beirut and see how inoffensive Israel is. Ask the thousands of Western nationals that are presently being evacuated by the shipload. Ask the hundreds of U.S. and other Western missionaries that are running for their lives from Lebanon as you read this, through the most dangerous routes. Ask them whether weapons of any kind are in safe hands in any bloodthirsty human hands. And if they were not bloodthirsty, why would they have them? Why would anyone have them?

In the past, tit for tat has been the only way for any Arab country or armed group to get anything from Israel. So once more last Wednesday, Lebanon's Hezbollah ventured into kidnapping two Israeli soldiers in order to force the hand of Israel into a prisoner exchange. "The actual result," Gushee wrote, "is predictable. Israel responds with massive (sometimes disproportionate) force; civilians get killed accidentally along with intended militants."

"Sometimes disproportionate"?! Talk about an understatement to describe a one-week—and still going—machine of annihilation that has destroyed in days what had taken 15 years of reconstruction. Civilians "killed accidentally"?! Explain that to the young mother squatting right now at my parents' home in Lebanon, having just heard her husband was torn into pieces by an Israeli bomb as he was carrying out civil relief in villages of South Lebanon! But of course these civilians were at fault, since they had been warned by Israeli flyers to evacuate their villages the previous night. But to go where? To my father's living room?! They are welcome, but it's getting really full. Tonight I had my finger hovering over my computer's "send" button for at least one long minute before I was able to bring myself to sending to a few friends who might care to receive them, some of the gruesome images of war, of torn infant flesh from my bleeding country.

And then this wish: that "our own government will undertake policies to help foster a reduction of tensions in the region." Oh what wishful thinking! When did it ever?! When did the U.S. ever use anything other than its veto power at the United Nations, precisely in order to prevent policies and resolutions that might potentially have been helpful to my people?

Please, Christians! Let's grow up and get over our childish wishes. If, like me, you had lived through the 17 years of Lebanese civil strife from 1975 to 1991 and were presently facing the real and gruesome prospect of another extended conflict, you'd be far from hoping and believing in any benevolent and sincere peace efforts of any external broker, supposedly neutral.

I'll tell you, if you care, what I think those governments will help foster. I think that some pseudo-biblically motivated Christians with decision power, who believe "that apocalyptic destruction is a precursor to global salvation," are presently working toward provoking a Middle Eastern conflict of regional significance in order finally to settle accounts with Hezbollah- and Hamas-supporting Syria, Iran, Lebanon, and Palestine, who have committed the crime, as Gushee put it, of making their hatred for Israel "crystal clear." And how dare they, since the said state has only been acting as an aggressor and racist colonial state with neighbor-exterminating tendencies from the moment of its inception?

(Of course, I will be accused of being an anti-Semite because of such words. But I will just shrug and sneer at that accusation and say: "What makes you a Semite anyway?" Having just read the holocaust account of Elie Wiesel's Night with tears and deep empathy, having Jewish relatives on my Swiss mother's side who fled Germany to Switzerland during the period of the rise of Nazism, being an Arab Christian with Lebanese paternal ancestry, I have more Semitic DNA in me than most who will be reading this. My ethnic heritage may be a mess, but I can still recognize ethical wrong when I see it!)

As an academic with a Ph.D. from Oxford University and specialist in Christian-Muslim and East-West relations, constantly seeking creative models of conflict resolution and better understanding, all of what I have just written is written in a manner far from what I would normally write or say with a cool head, far from what my Swiss-blood-flowing veins would normally permit me to utter. But then, perhaps academics sometimes owe their readers more genuine feelings, skin-level emotions gushing out of a deeply hurting, frustrated, desperate, and hopeless soul that has had enough of human arrogance and injustice.

Having come to the U.S. at the wrong time to teach a course for two weeks, I find myself at the wrong place at the wrong time, stranded after my country's airport was sent up in flames by Israeli jets. There are two Israeli soldiers imprisoned by Hezbollah hands, 10,000 Arabs in Israeli jails, and one poor soul imprisoned in the U.S. by human madness and bloodthirsty governments.

I am angry at self-centered Hezbollah, which has done the inadmissible of taking a unilateral war decision without consulting the Lebanese government of which it is part, never giving a second thought to the hundreds (perhaps thousands) of Lebanese who will perish as a result of its selfish decision. I am angry that citizens of a nation like Israel, who have so suffered at the hands of others, would allow themselves such an out-of-proportion reaction, oh-so-far from the "eye-for-an-eye and tooth-for-a-tooth" principle that we might have forgiven them. I am just as angry at—I have lost hope in—the international community that is keeping silent and not even budging with an official condemnation of this senseless instinct of extermination. By both sides, I would be lynched for what I have just said, if they had the chance. But what have I got to lose anymore?

Martin Accad is the academic dean of the Arab Baptist Theological Seminary in Lebanon. He was teaching at Fuller Seminary in Pasadena, California, last week and is now unable to return home.

2006-07-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

The Big Questions

I subscribe to this ecommentary called Grace at Work. This week I received this very thought-provoking message and I want to share it with you. I pray it helps you to begin to question the many de facto values we have been fed in this competitive Singapore society.

------------------------

"Please pray for my children, pray that they will do well in their exams."

Every year around the times of the major government exams, I will receive many emails/text messages that are variations of the above. Worried parents want divine help for their children, not just to pass their exams, but to ace them.

Families of the Chinese diaspora worldwide will recognize this scenario. It is an accepted conviction that education is the path for immigrant Chinese to do well in their adopted countries. It is the road to prosperity and social advancement. This is an accepted belief in many other racial and cultural groups as well.

Parents rarely ask for prayers that their children will discover their vocations, or grow up to be mature compassionate human beings, or be part of God's programme to make the word a better place. These concerns may be assumed or ignored. The real goals here are survival, prosperity, and social advancement.

And we wonder why, generation after generation, things remain very much the same. We have not given our children the encouragement and passion to confront the big questions.

Sharon Daloz Parks spent six years as senior research fellow and visiting professor at Harvard Business School. She was also involved in interviewing entering MBA students. In her article. "How Then Shall We Live?" she writes:

"...although some of these twentysomething young adults had come to business school with thoughtful purpose and meaningful commitments that they expected to live out in the world of ,our commercial institutions, the majority of these bright, talented young adults had been fundamentally cheated. They were already held hostage to assumed lifestyle choices.

No one had initiated them into the great questions of calling and purpose, their lives and their time. No one had asked them to consider: What do I really want the future to look like, for me. for others, for the planet? Why is there a growing gap between the haves and the have-nots?

In this (American) society, why do gross patterns of injustice continue to be legitimated by skin colour? Why are anti depressants being prescribed for an increasing number of children? Why is the prison population growing in our society? What are the reasons for climate change? How will we heal the rupture between science and religion? How shall we practice commerce and design governance in the life of the new commons?"

I am sure readers of this column can put together their own list of similar big questions wherever you may be on planet earth.

Parents encourage their children to excel for the best of motives. They know that life in the real world is tough. Immigrant communities in particular understand this. Yet, by not encouraging their children to connect with the big questions of life, parents are not doing justice to the world we have to live in, or to their children.

Christian parents in particular, who should know that life is much more than survival and prosperity, are doing a great disservice to the cause of Christ when we do not encourage our children to pursue the big questions of life.

Unconnected to God's purposes and vocation, our young adults graduate and work their butts off in the exhausting world of the new economy. Initially the thrill of making their mark in the world, and the rewards of money and status, keep them running. But you can run on vocational empty only for so long. Then you crash. Many burn out in their early thirties or even younger. No wonder "...one third of workers ages 25
to 39 already felt burned out by their jobs" (November 2005 Harris Interactive poll).

In my work I have the opportunity to befriend some of these young adults in their early 30s. Many are in different stages of burnout. This is due partly to their neglect of a healthy work-life rhythm. But a lot of it can be traced to exhausting work which is not linked to the big questions of life. Burnout comes because people work hard but are not sure what it's all for. They don't have time to reflect on the big questions nor are they encouraged to do so.

Christianity has the answers. We are called to enter into a relationship with the living God. We are called to give our lives to bless others. Christianity is a journey full of meaning.

Unfortunately many churches give the impression that the big questions only involve what is happening within the walls of the institutional church. Many churches function with a de facto dichotomy between sacred life and secular life. They end up giving little help to believers as they struggle with the great questions of life. We try to plug them into the church machinery but give them little help to connect their daily lives, their Monday to Saturday lives, with the big questions of life, and with God's answers.

Sometimes the world seem to appreciate the value of the gospel more than those within the church. In a recent article in Newsweek magazine ("Strength From Their Faith", International Edition, July 24, 2006, pp. 28-29) Sarah Schafer and Jonathan Ansfield note the growing number of political activists in China who are embracing Christianity.

They note that "These democracy and human-rights advocates embrace Christianity because they are activists and not the other way round." A young Chinese lawyer noted "Christianity's role in promoting freedom, democracy and respect for human rights around the world. He found that he believed in these principles too and realized that he'd discovered a deep system of values that resonated with his life and work."

The same article also mentions Yu Jie, a dissident writer who came to Christ through the influence of his wife. Yu "admired Jesus' philosophy of nonviolent resistance. And he liked the idea of change fueled by love rather than hate." Yu said: "I had to find a new belief. Democracy is only a political system. Of course I would fight to the end for democracy, but it can't bring spiritual happiness."

We live in critical times. The carnage resumes in Sri Lanka and the Middle East. The citizens of countries as disparate as the United States and Malaysia find themselves increasingly divided and with growing tensions accompanying the polarization. Daily we face new signs of global climate change. How can we, with any good conscience, let our children think it is business as usual and let them think that education is only a passport to prosperity and privilege, an endeavour totally unrelated to the big questions of life?

I am just thinking as to what I should do the next time someone asks me to pray for their child's educational success. I think I will first ask why.

Why do they want their child to do well in school?
For what purpose?
For whose glory?

tesing via gmail

2006-07-21T14:55:00.000+08:00

testing from gmail acct.

tesing via email again

2006-07-21T14:53:00.000+08:00

Message Classification: Unclassified

hope this turns out ok.

2006-07-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

Transubstantiation

The other day in Lutheranism class I learnt about Transubstantiation.

Transubstantiation is a Roman Catholic Theology about Holy Communion, also called Mass.

I think only the Roman Catholic Church and the Orthodox churches hold to this theology.

Ok so what is it?

Transubstantiation teaches that during Holy Communion the bread and wine turn into the body and blood of Jesus Christ.

Transubstantiation finds its roots in Aristotle’s philosophy of a distinction between “substance” and “accidents”.

“Substance” is the unchanging essential inner reality while “Accidents” are the outward perceptible appearances.

Think of it this way – your soul is like the “substance” of who you really are. Even if you exist in a different body (“accidents”), you are still you.
So in Aristotle's philosophy, even non living things have substance and accidents.

Got it?

So in the theology of Transubstantiation, the RCC teaches that during mass/HC, the substance of the bread and the wine transforms into the real substance of Christ’s body and blood. But the accidents of the bread and wine remain the same.

So the person taking communion tastes normal bread and normal wine but is actually imbibing the real substance of Christ.

So now that Christ is present in the elements, the elements become very sacred and the fear arose that people might spill Christ's blood unintentionally. That would be desecration. So the Cup is witheld from the masses. That's why in catholic churches, worshippers do not drink the wine.

One question then often arises is WHEN exactly does the transformation of substance take place?

Answer: When the eucharist (person serving HC) utters the words “This is my body… This is my blood.” At that specific moment – the substance of the bread and wine is miraculously and fully transformed, replaced with the real substance/presence of Christ’s body and blood.

In Catholic church, it is the priest who has the "power" or "authority" to effect the transformation.

Hope this is not confusing.

Lutherans don't believe in Transubstantiation. So what do Lutherans believe? I have to study more coz our stand is a little confusing. Talk more about it in another blog.

testing via email

2006-07-20T17:56:00.000+08:00

testing post via email

2006-07-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

in the sanctuary of GOD

2006-07-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

Lutheranism Class

Tonight I attended the second lesson of the Lutheranism Class.

Among the many subjects we touched on, the Sacrament of Holy Communion was one that generated a lot of discussion.

How do Lutherans see the Holy Communion?

OK even though I sat through 1 hr of this, I'm still a little confused. But I'll just pen down what I took away from class tonight.

1) Lutherans believe that the substance of Christ's body and blood are received into the bread and wine during Communion.

2) This process happens because of Christ promises in the Bible. Not because the priest has some magic authority to make this happen.

3) This means that the bread and wine we take on Sundays is not merely wafer and wine. It does contain the real body and blood of Jesus Christ.

4) The Apostle Paul also understood the bread and wine to mean the real substance of Christ's body and blood.

5) So when we partake the real body and blood of Jesus, we are receiving Him into our body. It is not merely a rememberance ritual, as many churches believe.

Ok. That's just the very basic. I still have much more to learn. Will write more when I learn more.

BTW you may ask what is a sacrament.

A sacrament is an outward sign of an invisible grace. It is an act commanded by Christ and it must have divinely instituted symbols and it must carry a promise. This promise is received by faith on the part of the christian.

So strictly speaking, to Luther, only Baptism and Holy Communion are sacraments.

2006-07-18T22:15:00.000+08:00

More Superman trivia

This is a followup on my somewhat-related previous entry about the "S" found on Kal-el's chest.

That "S" that we see is actually NOT a letter in our human alphabet. Let me repeat. That "S" is not English.

It is instead a symbol of superman's alien family. It's is his family crest.

Ok now you know. Go wow your friends with this tidbit of info. keke...

Of course you must realise that I'm getting all these information from 2 colleagues who are absolute comic book fans. I consider them the wikipedia of the comic book universe.

2006-07-18T08:41:00.000+08:00

Bad dream

Woke up after a nightmare.

Dreamt of my boss telling me how badly I'm faring at work.

Darn! I think I'm really under stress.

They say that dreams are the consciousness of your soul when you're asleep. It is quite true. Recently I've been feeling very disorganised and very disoriented. I scramble to work in the mornings and come home late in the evenings, only to scramble the next morning again.

I'm constantly sleepy at work.

There is a lack of peace and inner space and that really bothers me now.

I'm definitely way off balance.

Feel like crawling into some hole and disappearing for a while. Closing myself off to the rest of the world.

Guess that will have to wait until after the trip to Russia and the exhibition.

2006-07-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

Superman's Super tight shirt

Ever wondered why Superman likes wearing his spandex outfit?

Question: Why is Superman's clothes so tight?
Me: Dunno. Why?
Answer: Because he wears size "S"!

*can laughter* - *Slap forehead*

Ok now for the REAL reason.

Superman's cells have a forcefield shield protecting them from harm. That's why Superman never gets hurt. In order for Superman's clothes to also be super indestructible, they have to be as close to his cells as possible so that the forcefield can shield them too. Hence they are so tight!

Got it?
Smart hor?

2006-07-17T14:06:00.000+08:00

Wrong number

Got a call on my hp this morning.

Me: Hello.
Stranger: Hello?
Me: Hello? Yes? Who is this?
Stranger: Hello?
Me: Yes?

Kapomb. Stranger hung up.

So rude of this person. The least she could have done was say "Sorry wrong number."

I called back with half a mind to chide the person for being so rude. An Indian man answered. He asked around to see who called me and said, "Oh it was a wrong number." Kapomb.

Me: ......???

2006-07-17T10:18:00.000+08:00

Russia Here I come!

Yipee! Can't wait for August :)

2006-07-15T22:00:00.000+08:00

Saying Goodbye
Today I finally sold my CP5000. Brought it to cash converters in Toa Payoh.

It felt slightly painful to part with her. Afterall she did accompany me in the beginning phases of my photography journey and she was such a trusty companion, albeit temperamental at times.

Well, that's life I guess.

Goodbye CP5000. I will always rembember you.
As a final tribute to her, I've uploaded some photos seen through her lens.

2006-07-14T21:52:00.000+08:00

Fun Evening

I had so much fun tonight.

First we caught Superman, the world's favourite superhero, and may I add, the most dashing?

It was quite thrilling really. When I saw him try to stop a plane from spiralling into a baseball park full of spectators, or save Lois Lane from drowning in a yacht, I yelped loudly in excitement. Wow. What a ride!

I do slightly regret not catching it in Omni theatre instead. Would have been far more heartstopping I'm sure.

Brandon Routh, the star of Superman shares my birthday! keke...

But of course I must say I didn't miss the allusions the producers made between superman and Christ - Superman was referred to as the "son" and the "saviour" of the world. Told Hubby I found the show rather blasphemous. But of course when Mr Routh flashed that million dollar smile, I forgot all these theological mumbo jumbo.

We later stopped by an arcade where we played Puzzle Bobble ( dun larff lah...) and lost a few dollars there. I'm very very bad at Puzzle Bobble. Hubby was much better even tho it was his first encounter with the game.

The basketball shooting machine was super cool. I could not stop giggling as I practised my shots. Got a bit better with time and soon I was shooting baskets like Kobe Bryant :) Of course when the basket started moving, it was a different story altogether.

When was the last time we had such a fun date? Can't recall.

Mental note: Should do this more often.

2006-07-13T08:07:00.000+08:00

A Change of Regime

Came into work early today.

Got a stern sacarstic email from the top boss.
Our group report was rejected. Totally decimated by her.

What a way to start the day. Sigh...

The thing is, I agree with her. That report was really crappy.

Well at least I'm glad she's the discerning type. Very good for our unit but bad for individuals who can't make the cut.

Our previous boss was so undiscerning, you could submit a GP essay and she wouldn't know the difference. It was easy working under her.

2006-07-12T16:59:00.000+08:00

A Korean I like

I'm as busy as a bee today but still must take some time out to blog. Think this qualifies me as Blogging Addict? Do you reckon they will start a BA (Blogger Anonymous) soon? keke...

Anyway, my dear sis-in-law, Lil Ms Snooze, recently seems to be going ga-ga over Korean actor Daniel Henney. I've included his pic here for you so you know why she finds him totally hot. Then again with a face and toothy grin like that, who wouldn't? Even my 90-year-old grandma will find him appealing.

But the entrée of this entry is really about another Korean actor that I like. I woke up this morning thinking about him. Weird huh. So I thot I should share him with the rest of the world, my blogging world that is.

Jeong Woo-seong. That's his name. Simple name. Nothing fanciful like ... Henney =P

In case you're wondering, he's 33 this year.

So far I've only seen 2 movies he's starred in.

In Daisy, he was a professional assassin who was secretly in love with a young street painter. Even as he could only love her from a distance, he still tried to find ways to express himself, primarily through acts of service and love. He left a pot of daisies outside her shop every day without fail. Hence the title of the show. It's a beautifully made film. Very lyrical in some parts. You should catch it if you haven't yet.

In A Moment to Remember, he was a renegade who found hope and self-worth through a girl only to later find that she had developed Alzheimer's. He then became that faithful relentless husband who abandoned everything to be with her, even when she did not remember him anymore. I remember weeping unabashedly when watching A Moment to Remember. One of the best Korean movies I've ever watched. Good stuff.

Jeong Woo-seong is not exceptionally good looking. Not your regular run-of-the-mill hunk. Neither is he some urbane metrosexual. But for me he exudes a kind of raw charisma and magnetism. There's something very appealing about him. A kind of "come-what-may" attitude that I find totally sexy.

He feels like a man who is in touch with nature, not in the new age snag sense but in a very earthy swarthy sense. I can easily imagine him in fadeout overalls working as an artist or farmer. Keke... my heart goes all mushy and fluttery when I think of him in the 2 movies mentioned above.

I will definitely be catching more of his movies. Btw, his acting is very good too. Very intense. Exactly the way I like it :)

2006-07-11T13:45:00.000+08:00

Lunch

Lunch today was lovingly prepared and packed by Hubby.

Softmeal Roast Chicken Salad Sandwich

topped with savoury Japanese mayo.

Sluurp. Simple but Delicious.

Savoured every crumb of it.

2006-07-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

Going back to school

Tonight I'll be attending my first ever lecture at Trinity Theological College (TTC). Can't recall the last time I attended a lecture. Would Pastor Chang's sermons count?

Actually I'm not too excited about the class tonight because I've been super duper busy these past few weeks and the thought of spending another precious night out just doesn't do it for me.

The topic of the lecture: Lutheran Distinctive.

Yep, I'm sure you know how I feel.

Well I initially signed up for this course because I really felt I should be learning more about the theology of the Lutheran Church. I've been attending a lutheran church all my life and I don't know what lutherans believe in. Plus speaking to calvanists like Beowulf has made me realise how little I know about my own christian heritage. Heck, I think I know more about the African Savanna than I do the Lutheran Church.

Thankfully mum and Hubby will be attending too so I'll have company. Mum is super motivated and Hubby has no choice because it's an examinable topic for him.

See how I surround myself with people who will keep me going when I'm feeling down and out?

Oh I do hope Dr Truscott will be an interesting lecturer.

Tonight I embark on a journey of lutheran discovery. I hope I like what I find.

2006-07-10T10:34:00.000+08:00

Post World Cup drowsiness

It is so quiet at work today. No cookies for guessing the reason. Half my office has taken leave to rest from the post world cup excitement.

Arrgghh...I'm finding it hard to concentrate at work now. The long match early this morning, which went all the way to penalty shootout, really tested my endurance. My eyelids are so heavy now i need toothpicks to keep them apart. And it certainly doesn't help that I'm rehashing a colleague's report that is so badly written.

So Italy are the new World Cup champions.

I was not rooting for either teams in this WC so the match was not as exciting for me but I sure beanbean is ecstatic at Italy's victory :) If I really had to choose, I would have supported France. Felt they had more control of the ball overall and therefore deserved to win.

The Zidane head butt was a real shame. I wonder what triggered him off to use his shiny crown on another man's chest. With his head he brought glory to France and with it he brought disgrace. Bald heads are such a double-edged sword... ok ok that was lame.i know.

Enough of a break. Now it's back to the report.... *faint ah*

sigh...

2006-07-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

Federer wins his fourth Wimbledon!

I am so happy :)
Hubby is so sad :(

It was an excruciatingly painful match to watch with Nadal being such a strong opponent. But I'm glad it's finally over.

Nadal is definitely a player to watch. That young matador is like a force of nature. His play was unbelievable and his dogged determination and mental prowess are definitely a plus to his powerful strokes. Look at those deltoids. I'd bet there isn't an inch of excess fat on this 20 year old's body.

2006-07-09T18:32:00.000+08:00

Rush

I was suddenly overcome by a rush to work with photoshop.

A feverish drive pushing me, sustaining me, draining me - all at the same time.

Now I'm spent.

2006-07-09T18:10:00.000+08:00

2006-07-09T18:07:00.000+08:00

2006-07-09T01:08:00.000+08:00

Art is both love and friendship and understanding: the desire to give. It is not charity, which is the giving of things. It is more than kindness, which is the giving of self. It is both the taking and giving of beauty, the turning out to the light of the inner folds of the awareness of the spirit. It is a recreation on another plane of the realities of the world; the tragic and wonderful realities of earth and men, and of all the interrelations of these.

- Ansel Adams

2006-07-08T14:40:00.000+08:00

dum dum de dum...

Just returned from a wedding of a couple I do not know. Don't ask.

So funny...when it was time for the groom to kiss the bride, he kissed her so passionately on the lips and looked set to deepen the lip lock but the bride pulled away in embarassment.

Chuckles from the audience.

It's ok. I'm sure she'll make it up to him tonight. keke...

2006-07-07T18:59:00.000+08:00

Cinderella

Popped this 1950 classic in our DVD player last night.
Sigh...the magic of some things just never fade away.

2006-07-06T10:41:00.000+08:00

Why dogs attack their owners

Thanks to Green Tea for the images :) keke...

2006-07-05T15:54:00.000+08:00

Strange Encounter

Hubby and me walking to mum's car.

Stranger: (aggressively hokkien) Hey! is this your car? your car?

Us: *huh? look. talking to us?*

Stranger: your car?

Us: er... yar (?)

Stranger: Come out 4D last week ah!

This guy could even tell us which cars in the carpark had numbers that always appeared in 4D draws.

It's a different world out there man!

2006-07-05T15:38:00.000+08:00

Post Reno Ramblings - My bed

We threw away our bedhead so now we only have a skeletal bed frame with a mattress on it.

This unit is parked right in the middle of my master bedroom, far far away from the 4 walls.

I LURVE the feeling of sleeping on a large king size bed that is not flushed against some wall and is not framed by a bedhead. When I lie on it, I can dangle my arms and legs from any side and I won't hit a thing.

Plus my bed linens are the same colour as my wall and my cabinet (sheer milky white). So everything seems to flow into each other, creating a seamless harmony to the room.

It feels like I'm suspended in the middle of nowhere. Like I'm floating on a platform boat in the middle of an ocean.

It's a wonderfully free feeling.

But I must admit that this also creates a strange sense of insecurity.

So the combination of both is simply exhilarating.

Strange how a simple bed reorientation can create such wonderous experiences.

(But Hubby hates it.)

2006-07-05T10:17:00.000+08:00

A thoughtful encounter

Death.

A subject not many people like to think about.

In the daily living of our lives, most of us are removed from this subject, this eventual reality we all have to face one day. Death is not an experience that can be shared or recounted, like cancer. Once a person dies, he dies. No one knows what it is like to be there, to cross over from the realm of the living to the eternal. To put it cheekily, for all of us, death will be a novel experience. A once-in-a-lifetime, never to be repeated encounter.

Yesterday as I stood at the foot of a hospital bed watching a ninety-year-old man hovering between life and death, I wondered what was going on in his mind. Doctors said he would not survive the night. Did he know that? Was he afraid? What is it like to just stop breathing? As his relatives crowded around his bed, I could tell he was trying very hard to respond to them, but he was physically unable to. It must be such a torment to be conscious of your surroundings and yet not be able to respond to it.Was his inner man screaming out to be heard? Did he have any last words he wanted to convey?

A more important concern I had was whether this old man knew Jesus. Did he know of the saving grace of God? At this crucial moment where he may cross over to eternity in the twinkling of an eye, all the grand philosophical arguments about religions and pluralism fade into the background. There simply was no time to be wasted in convincing the relatives about the rightness of Christ.

The eternal destination of this old man lies in his acceptance of Jesus right now, right here.

Even if it means we (the christians) will be forcibly dragged out of the room by the non-believers, or be treated with contempt by people who see us as unscrupulous opportunists, we WILL still share the gospel because it's not about us or our reputation, it's about the reality that this old man may die without knowing about God's forgiveness.

The choice between heaven and hell has to be made NOW. This was no time to be politically correct or to be polite and "gracious". It was no time for passive observation. If we truly believed in what Jesus says about heaven and hell, then the reality of this man's very precarious situation will compel us to do something drastic to tip the scale in favour of eternal reunion with God. And that was to share the gospel with this man.

I could literally hear the seconds tick, amplified; the countdown of his bioclock before he met his maker.

Well it turns out that this old man had believed in Jesus before his condition had deteriorated. That was enough for us. Even if the majority of his family objected and would insist on a pagan funeral, it's ok with us. The important thing is his soul is with God where there is eternal joy and peace. That's what is truly important.

Christianity's obsession with conversion is not about control or an obsession with numbers as some would believe. It's not about promulgating a certain worldview so as to gain increasing political and social clout.

Christianity's obsession with conversion is simply the hope that a human being can be reconciled with his maker and spend eternity with God. It's that simple.

What would you do if you witnessed an accident and the victim was in very bad shape? Being a good fellow citizen, the first thing you would do is to call the ambulance and try to make the victim as comfortable as possible. But after calling an ambulance, would you share Christ, just in case the ambulance doesn't arrive in time? Would you stop at just being a good citizen or would you also remember you are a Christian too?

2006-07-03T23:00:00.000+08:00

Yet another Lomo

2006-07-03T10:03:00.000+08:00

Experimental Lomo

A lomo (or otherwise known as cross-processing) effect applied to a photo. Has a very retro urban feel?

2006-07-03T00:58:00.000+08:00

World Cup hangover

It's almost 1 am. Why am I still up? Why am I not sleepy?

Looks like my nocturnal habits have been altered by the World Cup.

2006-07-02T20:07:00.000+08:00

One-ninetyfour

Finally I'm seeing the end of the tunnel, the light of day.

Nopz not referring to World Cup though my sleep schedule has been majorly disrupted by it.

It's my reno! It's finally finishing. Tomorrow the cleaners will come to wash up the place and the plumber to put the finishing touches on the sink. Then one-ninetyfour is finally home again.

Tonight I'll be moving back to my place and it does feel a little weird. For those of you who know, I've been bunking at my parents' home for the last 1 month. Now that I'm finally moving back to one-ninetyfour it feels like I'm getting married all over again and I feel so sad to leave my parents' place. While I enjoy the independence of having my own home, I think I miss staying under mum and dad's roof, being their daughter again.

OK one-ninetyfour is an official mess. There's like dust everywhere and all my stuff is strewn all over. Not unlike the aftermath of a hurricane storm. Since I'm never good at cleaning up messes like this, I'm just relying heavily on Hubby who is the Commander-in-Chief :) of this project. He barks out the instructions and I follow. No questions asked. But thank God Hubby is the hands-on type of Commander rather than the talk-only type. I dun think the vacuum cleaner has been used this much since we got married 5 years ago. Everyday Hubby's just working up a good sweat doing all the heavy cleaning work. Wow! I married a great guy!

Dan, Mark and my favourite pianist all came over to help us shift some bulky monsters. Thank God for such strong enthusiastic young men :)

Actually with this reno work and Love Cambodia both taking place around the same period, I'm surprised I could actually cope. Not to mention heavier-than-usual work commitments. Thank God.

Guys, please pray for the Love Cambodia exhibition. Pray that the Lord will use it to His Glory and His Work. This exhibition is really a labour of love that the mission team is offering to the Lord. We hope He is pleased and He would multiply the works of our hands.

OK going for dinner now. Then it's back to the broom and mop.

2006-07-02T01:54:00.000+08:00

...

England

is

going

home

...

2006-06-30T11:02:00.000+08:00

Die lah...

Today boss called me into office.

She wants me to beef up a training module on writing reports.

I'm also expected to deliver the training. There will be foreigners attending this course too.

Die lah... i dun remember a single thing about what makes a good report.

How to teach pp?

2006-06-29T08:57:00.000+08:00

Grace shown to Molester

"The High Court, in a display of compassion, yesterday set aside the jail sentence and caning handed down to a terminally ill molester and fined him instead...He was sentenced to four months in jail and was to be given three strokes of the cane for touching her breasts, and fined $6,000 for touching her buttocks on several occasions...He has been out on bail of $20,000 since then, pending his appeal against the jail term and caning on account of his illness...The court heard yesterday that he had a tumour on his neck and not long to live..." - taken from Straits Times, 29 June 2006

Did this man deserve such grace and compassion? It's always tough to decide if someone deserves the full measure of justice meted out on him or should he be shown such grace?

There is a saying that goes 法外有情. This is a classic example.

My personal opinion is that a fine is too little a punishment. What about the maid who had her modesty outraged? Who is going to give her justice? If I was molested repeatedly and am told later that my molester is going scott free because he is undergoing some very traumatic circumstances, I would hit the roof. Of course in contrast, for the family of the perpetrator, they must be so relieved and happy.

A crime is a crime.

It has got absolutely nothing to do with anything else, especially when this was a grown man, capable of making sound, rational decisions.

He knew very well what he was doing when he molested the maid.

When a judge makes such a ruling, he is setting a precedence. So does this mean that a terminally ill man can now go round molesting girls, knowing that his impending death will spare him the rod and jail? He can throw caution to the wind and have his "last flings of fun" before meeting his maker?

My identity as a Christian poses dilemma for me in this case. I understand the joy of the family and the perpetrator at receiving such undeserved grace. After all, I too had received such unmerited grace from God. Does this mean I should rejoice with them? But what about the victim? What is there for her to rejoice about?

But wait a minute, when God pardoned us of our sins, He himself paid the penalty. He didn't just write off the debt. He paid the price on our behalf. So there was still justice done.

In this case, there was no justice. There was no price paid for the offence committed. A fine of S$5,000? Come on! That hardly commeasurates with the crime.

The law is meant to protect the rights of victims. In this case, where was the protection? It seems to me that the perpetrator was the one protected.

Do I sound very mean? maybe.
Do I sound like a person without compassion? maybe.

2006-06-28T10:32:00.000+08:00

New Phone

My trusty little LG phone is serving me well but there seems to be some problems recently with the number pads.

I have about 6 more weeks to an upgrade with my telcom. And I already know what phone I want.

LG P7200

2006-06-28T08:22:00.000+08:00

Does God really bring hope?

God doesn't provide easy answers.

How do you minister to a woman who has just been diagnosed of cancer? She is not a Christian and she doesn't have the best opinion about the Jesus either. Afterall her sister had lost the fight to cancer despite embracing the faith.

What is Jesus good for if He cannot help us now? Why believe in a God who cannot heal? Might as well stay with my own god.

There are no easy answers, especially when a person is going through a real crisis at this moment.

Sometimes I wish we could return to the times of the Bible where even the shadow of the aspostle, when cast over a sickly person, could bring healing. It was the age of miracles.

Yes it would have been easy to believe in Jesus if signs and wonders accompanied evangelism.

Some people would tell me that returning to heaven is the most important thing. Eternity is more important than earthly life. Yes and God is good for eternity.

Do you think a person who is undergoing a painful ordeal now seriously cares about that?

When I share Christ with this lady stricken with cancer, what message of hope can I bring to her?

That her place in heaven is secured?
That her sins are forgiven?
That Jesus will be there to hold her hand when the pain of chemo torments her?

Do you really think such answers are what she is looking for?

If only things were a simple matter of "Have Faith, Receive Healing", as some segments of Christianity would have you believe.

I guess life is not that simple.

The truth is God sometimes simply just DOES NOT HEAL. Instead He chooses to take the person home to be in a place of eternal bliss, a place where He is. And that can be difficult to accept.

Of course there have also been cases where God has healed physical ailments too. In such cases, it is so much easier to believe in a good God.

Lord Jesus, please help us during such moments of doubts and questions. Help us to still believe that you are a good God and only have our best interest at heart.Please bless this lady too so that she will come to believe in you and find hope in you.

2006-06-27T17:56:00.000+08:00

eCOMMENTARY: Bonus

How many of us know the heart of a pastor or a missionary or a person who has chosen to serve God and His people in the full time ministry?

I came across this very personal letter written by someone in the ministy.
This is him sharing his heart. Very touching.

-------------------------

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
[Burt Bacharach]

Most of us in full time church related jobs don't get paid much. Hence those love gifts/honorariums/stipends really help balance the monthly budget. So I appreciated the love gift I received when I took a church camp recently. But what I really appreciated was the card that came with it.

Sometimes, and more often its the college students who do this, they pass a card around and folks get to write personal words of appreciation to the speaker. I really liked this one:

"We love listening to your message (sic) very much...but what we appreciate most is your fellowship and friendship. Thank you for being our cheer leader."

This message and others like it touched me deeply because it understood what I was about.

Few of us are in ministry for the money. Teaching the word is something I would do no matter who paid my salary. I am in ministry because I believe this is what God wants me to do. I do not see it as a paid profession.

Therefore there cannot be any professional distancing between myself and the communities where I minister. I know I do it imperfectly, poorly often, but I do seek to be a friend to the people to whom I minister. They are my friends, not my clients.

I believe Paul exemplifies this approach to ministry. In 2 Corinthians in particular, he really wears his heart on his sleeve. Here are a few verses from that letter.

"For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you." (2:4)

"We have spoken freely to you Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. Were not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange --- I speak as to my children --- open wide your hearts also." (6:11-13)

Make room for us in your hearts. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have exploited no one. I do not say this to condemn you; I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you. I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds" (7:2-4)

Not a trace of professional distancing here.

But it is not easy to minister like this. Because there is no professional distancing, there is also no possibility of switching off the caring. So Paul will also say:"...I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?" (11:28b-29)

To serve with the heart is also to risk having your heart broken.

I remember the good old days before the times of my marital problems. I would receive speaking engagements from many churches and groups. When my marriage began to unravel, and more recently when I remarried, many groups stopped calling.

I know that the evangelical church is divided on the issue of divorce and remarriage. But I expect that friends will continue to enfold you while they work through the complexities. More often than not they held you at arms length till they came to some position. Many never did.

I couldn't help but think: Was I of value to you only when I could bless you with my gifts? And now that I am politically a liability, I no longer exist? Did you really care for me as a brother or am I just a ministering professional to be used when acceptable and to be discarded when not?

You will probably tell me to stop whining because rejection is the way of the cross and you would be right! To minister with the heart is to open yourself up to be hurt. That's the way it is.

There will be times when you are tempted to throw in the towel. But you do not because like Paul one learns the hard way that "our competence comes from God" (3:5b) and that we must rely on God and not on ourselves (1:9).

Still it is such a treat when you get a note that affirms not just what you do but who you are, and that celebrates the bond of friendship. "...what we appreciate most is ... your friendship."

So thank guys, for a wonderful weekend. Thanks for walking with me through the dark times. Thanks for risking grace and choosing to stand by me while you worked through the issues. You are truly my friends and I desire God's best for you. And whatever I can do to make that happen, let me know.

Oh yes. I also received another bonus. After the chairman of the camp committee passed me my envelope, he also gave me a hug. We are talking about a Malaysian Chinese from a Brethren background here, someone younger than myself. He hesitated for a moment.

Then the hug.

That's what friends do.

2006-06-27T10:41:00.000+08:00

Endomorph

I learned something exciting yesterday.

I'm an endomorph body type and this means that:

I need to eat 5 small meals a day that are low carb / fat to rev up my metabolism in order to burn fat efficiently coupled with exercise.

How cool is that ??!!

2006-06-27T01:01:00.000+08:00

The ultimate Italian Job

The azzuries have just commited the ultimate Italian job.

Sheer drama was the Italy vs Australia match.

Here we have 2 teams battling for a place in the quarterfinals.

The Italians had 1 man sent off and they were under pressure for most of the second half.

At the 93rd min, the score was still 0-0. This looked like a match destined for extra time.

Just seconds before the final whistle signalling the end of the match, before extra time began, an Italian player was brought down by an Ausssie defender within the penalty box.

Penalty awarded to Italy.

How much more dramatic can a match get? In a battle where the loser leaves the World Cup, Australia had literally just handed over the quarterfinals to Italy.

Totti took the penalty and just as the ball hit the back of the net, the whistle blew.

Italy is going to the next round. Australia is going home.

The azzuries had snatched the quarterfinals away from the aussies.

Unbelievable. That's the ultimate Italian job.

2006-06-25T18:53:00.000+08:00

Love Cambodia Photo Exhibition Postponed

Hi guys, the LC Photo Ex has been postponed to 23 July. pls take note of this new date.

Dr Castro, the Filipino missionary doctor serving in Cambodia, will be coming to town during that time and we thought it would be great to time the exhibition with his visit.

Sunday 23 July folks. See you then :)

2006-06-23T14:16:00.000+08:00

Boo Boo moments

Yesterday when a whole bunch of us were talking (i.e. gossiping) about office politics, I made a comment which I really shouldn't have. It was a moment of unguarded weakness.

So I guess I'm a little fearful that what I said would get to the wrong ears.

Well it's not really "scandalous" stuff per se. It was a just a very blunt comment about an observation, fatual, but nonetheless, something which I now feel ashamed of.

Don't you just have such moments? Moments where you think back on what you said or did and feel so regretful (and maybe even fearful of the repercussions)? Moments where you wished you could just press 'Crtl Z' and undo the whole scene?

I've had my fair share of such situations. As I recall these boo-boo moments, some very mild, some with very serious consequences, I just feel so bad about them. Sometimes I wish I could crawl into a hole and hide in shame. But of course that doesn't happen very often. Actually not at all.

That's why I'm so grateful for the blog. At least I can share my feelings about these events here. Somehow sharing them makes me feel better.

Ahh...the magic of catharsis.

And what do I do with these bad emotions? I channel them to positive uses. I promise myself I will not be so insensitive again. I swear that I will think before I speak.

That's until the next boo boo where this whole cycle repeats itself.

2006-06-22T22:46:00.000+08:00

Coke & Mentos

Ever wondered what happens when you drink coke with mentos?

2006-06-22T17:36:00.000+08:00

I'm a Mazda Miata!

You like to soak up the sun, but your tastes are down to earth. Everyone thinks you're cute. Life is a winding road, and you like to take the curves in stride. Let other people compete in the rat race - you're just here to enjoy the ride.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

2006-06-22T16:49:00.000+08:00

Today my little brother commented that he finds my photos aesthetically pleasing and he enjoys them.

:) I'm pleased.

2006-06-22T16:27:00.000+08:00

Me a nutcase?

Today a colleague said I was a nutcase. I felt angry but I did not retaliate in anger or self defence. I listened quietly.

He said he told his christian friends about my over-zealous (read: fanatical) religious worldview and his christian friends all lambasted me, even though they don't know me. They implied I'm like a led dog, force-fed with doctrines and subjecting myself to these doctrinal shackles unquestioningly. They implied I was not a thinking person and I most likely quoted scriptures out of context, implying that I was practising a warped version of Christianity.

The problem they had with me: My insistence that Christ is the only true God and the only real faith worth believing in.

My colleague said that if the world had more christians like me, it would be a terrible place to live in. He appreciated the fact that his christian friends were more respectful and accomodating and moderate in their views. He also said that even though I said he had not seen the true light of God, I was probably the one who had not seen the light, being the narrow-minded religious fanatic that I was.

I explained that the doctrines of the Christian God dictates that my worldview is exclusive. I cannot claim to embrace Christ and still acknowlege that all paths (Buddhist, Muslim, Taoist, Hindu) still lead to God. Such direct contradiction simply does not make any sense. If I believe something, then I have to believe it all the way, even if it means it would make me unpopular. It's a tough worldview and it takes guts to stand by it.

As he went on and on, I get the feeling that he was showing me he was the bigger man as he respects all religions and he stressed that he can even respect my point of view while I can't respect his. I didn't want to argue with him.

He knows I'm praying for him to become a Christian one day. I think he is offended that I should feel he is currently in the wrong faith. Can't blame him. Who wouldn't be offended right?

So a nutcase for Christ I shall persist to be.

2006-06-22T01:14:00.000+08:00

Sleepless in Singapore

It's 1:20 am in the morning now and I really should be in bed, snuggled under my warm cozy duvet.

But strangely I'm not that sleepy. Considering the major presentation I have due tomorrow, I really should be getting some shuteye. But I'm feeling restless instead.

I miss photography. I miss the whole process where I feel creative juices poring through my veins; a pause in time where nothing else matters but the work before me; where the eyes of my soul are truly open to the wondrous beauty of nature that surrounds me. As I surf photoblogs, I just feel so much longing in me to get out there and snap some pictures.

oops...Hubby is calling me to bed. Good night everyone. Sweet Dreams.

2006-06-21T10:40:00.000+08:00

A sad night

I will be looking forward to this evening with mix feelings.

It's the final episode of 大长今. While I look forward to the ending, I will also miss the show after tonight. Think I'll be suffering from severe cold turkey after the show ends.

Actually I've watched 大长今 before in 2005 but the show is just so beautiful I wanted to catch the Channel U version again, especially when it has good English subtitles to accompany it.

Just like Oshin, 大长今 is one epic serial that will live on fondly in my memories for a long long time.

Some stats on 大长今 in SG according to TNS Media research firm:

Every two in five Singaporeans rush home before 10pm to see it.
It is the most watched weekday drama in the time slot to date, beating Hong Kong serials such as Take My Word For It.
1.8 million viewers tune in to the show nightly.
Of the 1.8 million viewers, 44.2 per cent or 795,600 are men.

2006-06-21T09:55:00.000+08:00

Glass waterfall tap

1 more week to reno completion (I hope).
Here's a sneak preview at my new faucet. Isn't it juz uber cool?
The water cascades down the glass plate like a waterfall.

2006-06-20T14:51:00.000+08:00

Bonding La Femme

Yesterday mum, ms snooze and myself went shopping at Holland V.

Me: So mum, how does it feel to shop with your daughter and daughter-in-law?

Mum: Very good *all smiles*

Yes I think it is a nice feeling too. Nothing better than a little family bonding among the ladies of the house.

Now if only the guys in the house could do the same.

Well Hubby and TehPeng's idea of bonding would probably be watching soccer or playing X-box, interacting with each other through the virtual world.

As for Dad... hmm I don't know.

2006-06-19T21:23:00.000+08:00

Love Cambodia Photojounalistic Exhibition

Yesterday as the mission team got together to mount the photos to be used in this exhibition, the reality of the whole thing really set in.

Gosh and we haven't got that much time left and there's still tons to be done. *starting to sweat & panic*

Be sure to come and join us on 9 July Yishun Christian Church for this photojournalistic exhibition. Green Tea especially - u must come. this is a special request.

pfong joined us yesterday too and after a very very brief introduction was made, he dove right in and helped out. He also helped to "document" the prep process. See his writeup on us here - Helping Hands. Thanks for your help pfong.

Father, we pray that this exhibition will be a tool that You can use to mobilise your people to invest into the lives of the Cambodians. In Jesus Name, Amen.

2006-06-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

But Deliver us from Evil

Our Father who art in heaven

Hallowed by Thy Name

Thy Kingdom come

Thy will be done

On earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those who tresspass against us

Lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil

For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory

Forever and ever amen.

I used to think that when God delivers me from evil, it was a very literal form of protection. For example, God protecting me from the evil of a car accident, or the evil of robbers or even the evil of ghosts and demons.

However recently my eyes have been opened to a different kind of evil that God protects me from.

The evil of my sinful self.

God carries out this protection in a very queer manner - He usually chooses unanswered prayers, painful trials and obstacles to enforce this ring of defence around me. Odd huh?

You see, if I had my way all the time, I would become quite full of myself and I would no longer cast my eyes on my Maker. If life was easy all the time, then I wouldn't think of looking to God. My own independence from God, my own self-sufficiency, my own arrogance would be the evil that destroys me ultimately, and eternally.

I know that it is not a noble thing to only look to God in times of desperation and need. Ideally we should be looking to Him always, desiring His presence. But frankly, I'm not like that. And I'm just grateful God bothers to protect me from myself and He uses this method to get my attention, despite my inherent lack of desire for Him. That's how much He desires me. And such love causes me to learn to desire Him more.

Sometimes when I'm tempted to commit a sin and I manage to rationalise the whole issue in my mind such that it no longer appears to be a sin, the Lord engineers the situation around me, such that I'm prevented from committing that sin. In other words, He sabotages my plans. He probably knows I've convinced myself of the rightness of my decision and would be resistant to the Holy Spirit's prompt, and so He simply steps in and takes control of the situation. After a while when I would be in a more settled and better state of mind, I would then realise my folly. I'm grateful to God for taking charge and protecting me from myself when I'm weak and vulnerable.

God is a wonderful loving Father who uses all means to draw us to Him. While the cross expresses the full extent of God's love for us, I think unanswered prayers, painful trials and obstacles are also ways the Father shows His Love for his children. Sometimes God has to protect us from external evils; sometimes He has to protect us from our own sinful nature.

So the next time you encounter a bad situation or a lousy deal, remember that God is in total control. He probably has something spiritual He wants you to learn from this experience. He could be exposing a certain mindset that is subtly hindering your walk with Him; He could be opening your eyes to other more important concerns; or He could simply be calling out for you to return to His throne room in reverence and humility.

Praise be to our Abba Father. Amen.

2006-06-15T08:42:00.000+08:00

Expensive data

HDD data recovery will cost me $2,300.

Guess I'll just have to forget it.

Darn! Why did I procrastinate my backing up plan??

*intensely regreting*

2006-06-15T08:37:00.000+08:00

Mobilephones - love them, hate them

Came across these 2 pieces of info today about our trusty mobilephones.

1) You can cook an egg with your mobilephone

Phone A >> Egg << Phone B

Some UK folks came up with this. Simply place an egg inbetween 2 handphones (with their antenna about 1/2 inch away from the egg). Use one hp to call the other one i.e. they are now connected. You should find your egg being cooked in a jiffy. The pace at which the cooking is done depends on the power output of the phones. Some folks claim that it is the radiation from the hp that cooks the egg. Others say it is purely the heat emitted by the hp during prolonged use.

Whatever the case, for me the lesson is clear: Whenever possible, use an earpiece or sms. Don't wanna get fried brains.

2) Mobilephone radiation does destroy sperm DNA

Some professors from the University of Newcastle exposed mice to electromagnetic radiation similar to that emitted by hps. Guess what? They discovered that the radiation damaged the mice's sperm DNA. As with all scientific experiments, they claim this is merely preliminary findings and more needs to be done to study this phenomena. But personally, I don't think you need Einstein to tell you what radiation does to human sperm.

Lesson: Men, keep your hp away from your vital positions.

2006-06-14T11:12:00.000+08:00

More ramblings

It feels like such a lousy day today.

Not only did I lose a piece of work I had been working hard on, now I realise I can't open a powerpoint file I had sent from home. How to work? It's really a super duper bad day. I hope the file isn't corrupted or anything. I put in a lot of effort in that presentation. The last thing I want is to have to redo everything.

I just can't seem to get anything done this morning. That's why I'm surfing aimlessly and blogging every 5 minutes.

It's a non productive morning at work.

SOB aka Cyclops will be leaving us soon for greener pastures. No more skiving for him now. All the best Cyclops. we will miss u.

JI spiritual leader, Abu Bakar Bashir, is released today. Isn't the law meant to protect citizens from terrorist leaders like him? Ok even if the old man is not some tactical operational militant leader, he does speak so violently about the West, applauding attacks on innocent people. Tell me he is not going to continue to radicalise more people? Tell me a cleric who has been imprisoned for his faith isn't going to be highly regarded by like-minded extremists? Bull. Now Bashir is just going to attract even more followers who will regard him as a hero for the faith! How can Southeast Asia fight the war on terrorism successfully when such criminals are protected by the law?

2006-06-14T10:09:00.000+08:00

iPod on the roll

Atech's iCarta iPod dock and Bath Tissue Holder.

The iCarta's sporting four speakers, a charging iPod dock, adjustable spacers for different iPod models, and a quick release fastening system for portability.

Ahh... a good companion in times of er... need.

2006-06-14T08:51:00.000+08:00

Some misc ramblings

Breakfast at Mum's was delicious. Peanut-butter banana sandwich. 2 slices were definitely not enough for me.

Company giving us $400 each to spend on a course of our choice. I'm so tempted to sign up for Korean language course... but sure not approved one. Think I'll stick to Excel. Time to learn how to use this software properly.

My dream soccer finals: it would have to be Korea vs Brazil.
Weird huh? Well Brazil is absolutely the best team in the world. And Korea? Well I'm just so into all things Korean now. But Korea is quite a good team too.

Lost an important work document today. It just mysteriously disappeared into the blackhole named Dell. Bad day. Bad Dell.

Hubby sent my home HDD to some data recovery company in Ubi. Hope they can help recover some of my more important files *Keeping fingers crossed.* But dunno how much it will cost. Heard it can be quite expensive.

okie back to work now.

2006-06-13T09:13:00.000+08:00

Reno update

:) the ultra-mod toilet wall tiles are up
:) the new toilet window and exhaust fan is installed
:( the floor is still one cold wet cement slab
:\ have not finalised paint color
:\ have not finalised wood laminate design
:\ have not bought toilet fixtures

Looks like the toilet will only be completed at the end of this week. And I can only proceed with other items in the other parts of the house after the toilet is done.

Home will only be inhabitable I think ... earliest late late June.
Meanwhile, we cope with living out of a little duffle bag.

You know what is the one good thing about living with parents?

There's always food in the fridge!

Before marriage, I had the habit of opening the fridge every once in a while to snack. After I got married, I lost the habit coz there's nothing in the fridge ever. Now that I've moved in with mum, the habit's resurfaced mysteriously again.

2006-06-12T14:39:00.000+08:00

How to put on a Band Aid so it stay on all day

Got this link from Green Tea.
Another creative idea from the japs.

2006-06-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

A passion for God?

preacher: Do you have a passion for God?

Of course!

preacher: Well do you have a passion for the lost?

Hmm...yes ... I think.

preacher: Do you spend time and effort on reaching the unsaved? Do you constantly think of opportunities to share about Jesus or be a shining light for Christ?

er...

preacher: if you don't have a passion for the lost, then you don't have a passion for God.

I guess action does speak louder than words.

I can profess to love God but if I don't love the lost, then I don't love God and I don't share his heartbeat.

well i do have people i want to share the gospel with but it's just sometimes it's so difficult to do so. and come to think of it, i don't know why it is difficult either.

do u face such problems sharing Christ at work? at home? at school?

I have no problems sharing the beauty of the Da Chang Jin plot, but i have problems sharing the beauty of Christ.

2006-06-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

Henpecked?

Today hubby told me that our contractor is amused by the fact that hubby has to consult me in everything.

haha... our contractor probably thinks hubby is henpecked.

for my readers who do know hubby, let me set the record straight. He is not henpecked. He merely knows how fussy I am about certain matters and to save himself the trouble of hearing incessant complaints later, he might as well consult me now.

so he is not henpecked - he's just being shrewd, protecting his ears from the strain of hearing my grumblings.

but now i cannot face our contractor with a straight face, knowing he must think me a naggy hag.

but i can be a control freak in some situations.

2006-06-10T08:08:00.000+08:00

World Cup Ball more high tech than you PC

The World Cup finally started today with Germany and Costa Rica providing one of the better opening matches in recent memory. The official ball of the tournament, the Adidas Teamgeist (or "team spirit," which is unbelievably lame), is packed to the seams with well-researched hi-tech goodness.

Compared to most other soccer balls which have 26 or 32 sewn panels, the Teamgeist only has 14, making it far more smoother than ever before. This fact has goalkeepers going crazy since the smoother surface gives the ball a more unpredictable trajectory in the air. Translation: be on the lookout for what seem to be silly goalkeeping errors.

Backed by what Adidas calls "unprecedented" performance, the Teamgeist, which is supposedly the roundest soccer ball ever produced, is also nearly completely waterproof, thanks to a thermal bonding technology. Finally, FIFA rules state that balls must not have a more than 10 percent weight increase when wet; the Teamgeist far exceeds that requirement with less than .01 percent weight increase.

Now all FIFA and Adidas have to do is design the sport so Americans actually care about it. – Nicholas Deleon

2006-06-10T08:04:00.000+08:00

MUST CHECK OUT - the I/O Brush

I've recently subscribed to this gizmo website that showcases some of the latest cool stuff out there. So I'll be including some of their stuff on my blog.

Ok you absolutely have to check this cool gadget out. REALLY!

It's called the I/O brush. Go to the website and click on the video demo.

Prepared to be wowed.

http://web.media.mit.edu/~kimiko/iobrush/

2006-06-09T10:27:00.000+08:00

Vinyl Killer Crystal record player

This is soo cool! Hmm I might just consider keeping records as part of my music collection.

The Vinyl Killer has been around for a few years now. It's a clever little motorized bus that drives around in circles on top of any 12-inch vinyl record. It has a stylus on its underside, so that when it's on its merry trip it will play music from whatever record you've chosen. The bus is more of a novelty that any serious replacement for your turntable, as the speaker is quite small, and listening to music from a moving source can be quite disorientating. It is amazing to watch though! Why am I talking about this now when it's been available for a few years? Well, the creators, Razyworks, have recently released the Swarovski Crystal Limited Bling Bling Edition. For $520 you can be the talk of the town with your crystal encrusted battery-operated minibus. Unfortunately, the talk of the town will most likely be "Did you hear about the person that paid $520 for a toy record player?!" For the less flash among us, the standard $70 version is still available.

2006-06-09T10:19:00.000+08:00

Thank you Father

Recently the Lord blessed me with a wonderful gift. Something beyond my imagination.

I wanna thank Him for showering me with such undeserved blessings.

It was really undeserved and I was totally taken by surprise.

Thank you Father for your love and for delighting to bless me in this way.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20

2006-06-08T12:24:00.000+08:00

Anagrams prove a conspiracy...Bah!

The use of Anagram was one of the techniques Dan Brown used to make proof the Jesus-Magdalene conspiracy in his DVC book.

Brown mentioned that the Holy Grail treasure was mistaken by many to be the cup used by Christ at the last supper. This was because Grail is taken from the word sangreal which when split into two words becomes san greal, or holy grail. however, some have stated that the word is incorrectly separated and should have been sang real, or ROYAL BLOOD!

Check out this news article from ST today. lol.

if anagrams can be used to "prove" a point (as Dan brown's book claims), then this article certainly shows it.

haha...

-------------------

Unscrambling the Anagram Code

ARS MAGNA, our anagram software program, has been working long hours doing its usual political reporting - informing us, for instance, that impeachment would require 'emphatic men' and that homeland security is a 'desultory machine'.

We suggested it relax with a movie. Always a seeker of intellectual challenges, it decided to take in a certain film about a symbologist who goes sleuthing.

So, Ars, did you find The Da Vinci Code informative?

Oh, even didactic.

What about its historical accuracy?

Novice did cheat.

Your overall impression of its impact?

Deceit. Din. Havoc.

You understood, of course, that one very important character doesn't appear. What's your opinion of Mary Magdalene?

Anagram medley!

That's probably not what the director wanted to convey, but we can see why you liked that aspect of her persona. Please tell us one of the anagrams she provided.

Dreamy gal. Amen.

Well, that seems suitably ecclesiastical. And now her last direct descendant, the story says, is a French cryptographer, Sophie Neveu.

Oh, supine Eve.

Ars, you're turning into a real symbologist. So, what secret message do you detect in that other female character, the Mona Lisa?

'I'm so anal.'

Well, that could explain why she never tells anyone anything. Let's turn to the artist himself. Can you imagine what Leonardo da Vinci might say about this movie?

'Divine rood canal.'

Ouch, bad pun! Want to try again?

'Carnal video. Do in.'

Some historians have suggested that the novel and the movie might more properly have been titled The Leonardo Code. Would that work for you?

A coherent doodle.

We would hope so. By the way, there's been talk that the author's next novel is called The Solomon Key.

'The Solo Monkey'?

Surely you can do better than that! What do you suppose the book will be about?

Some holy token.

Well, can you tell us why he's supposedly writing next about Freemasons?

Safe sermon.

Ah, stirring less controversy. Say, do you think we'll be treated to a return of the symbologist hero of The Da Vinci Code, Robert Langdon?

No answer.

Ever since Ars was disqualified from the national spelling bee, it has been falling silent, from time to time while it considers other professions. A second career in symbology, perhaps? Mike Morton is a software engineer and the creator of Ars Magna. Sabra Morton is a writer.

2006-06-08T11:16:00.000+08:00

Living out of a Suitcase

My home repair and renovation process has finally begun. Although we're only doing some works to the bathroom & bedrooms, the whole house is so messy and dusty.

No choice - must move in with mum and dad temporarily.

We're literally living out of a suitcase now. It feels weird to move back to my parents' place after living by myself for the past 4 years. This morning I woke up and there was breakfast all ready on the table! What a nice feeling :) I had the oats I had been craving for and it was done exactly the way I like it!

Hubby said we should try to do simple stuff to renew our home every 5 years e.g. new cushion covers, bedspreads etc. wah I'm so happy to hear this. But my real project I'm working on next is changing our hall tiles which are 15 yrs old and look very worn out. Also want to do some layout changes to the kitchen and hall for a more seamless feel. But that would be in another 5 years time. Enough time to save up :)

2006-06-08T10:12:00.000+08:00

"Serious" Thots

Do I look like a very serious person who thinks a lot and is concerned with "world matters"?

I posed this question to one of my colleagues today. She said that initially I did give her that impression and she didn't really like me much. However after lunching together several times and engaging in the ever titillating company gossip, she realised that i'm a regular joe (or jane). In fact now she doesn't think I'm a very serious person.

Dunno why but i think i always give pp the wrong impression of me. Maybe i'm just socially inept, projecting the wrong image. Of course it is a bonus if my bosses believe I'm a serious thinker :P

My dad always told me that I was too self-righteous and "self-holy" and some other pp have commented I'm proud and arrogant.

Wah lao I'm that bad meh?

Ok seriously...

Sometimes I do feel so woefully inadequate in coping with this world. I don't always like myself and what I see in me. Sometimes I do have strong feelings of rejection - like a social outcast. I feel i don't belong anywhere. During these moments (which is quite often), I just take comfort in knowing that despite all my personality hangups, I have a family and husband who loves me just as I am, with all my failings. Of course not to mention jewel cousins like Green Tea and Camomile Tea. I also remember that God died for me just as I am. He wants me just as I am, even when I have nothing beautiful to offer Him.

It is in such times that I find my self-worth in God's love for me. It's like I'm worth something because God believes in me even when i dislike myself.

Actually i'm not really ashamed to admit this side of me. I know Green Tea will be surprised at what I'm sharing ;p

I've come to realise that only when I acutely feel such inadequacies, can i experience and understand more of God's love and grace. If i'm always very contented with myself, thinking i'm someone who is ok, then I will never truly appreciate the price God paid on the cross because I cannot see my true need for His Salvation.

So i don't like myself but because of the love God and my family pours out on me, I learn to love myself and see myself as worth something to someone.

So I try to serve my family and God more because I've come to realise that I'm really nothing without them.

2006-06-07T20:24:00.000+08:00

Evolution of Dance

(From CNN) - Laipply, a 30-year-old comedian/motivational speaker from Cleveland, is - as he puts it - That Guy at the wedding "out there dancing with everybody and having fun."

Now, he's cutting a rug as the It Boy of the Internet.

Laipply's video clip, "Evolution of Dance," taped at one of his speaking engagements, has been viewed more than 18 million times on the video Web site YouTube since April. In the clip, his combination of a nerdy-guy persona and his hot dance steps -- he covers everything from Elvis's 1950s hip-bopping to today's flashy hip-hop moves -- makes for a hilarious six minutes.
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I'm sure you would recognise familiar tunes and dance steps in this video :)

2006-06-07T16:26:00.000+08:00

Blessings from Ms Snooze

3 timely verses from Ms Snooze to remind me to look to God in times of uncertainty.

"I'm the Lord your God who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go" (Isaiah 48:17).

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you & watch over you" (Psalm 32:8).

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; Your love O Lord, endures forever - do not abondon the works of your hands" (Psalm 138:8).

Today I've just been told that I must leave my current job position. I have to be posted out to do some new work. I can either look for new opportunities in other depts of my organisation or I can leave it to my dept to assign me the new post (which is usually some dead-end job which no one wants anyway).

I feel so unsettled. As Green Tea said, it's one thing to want to move out, and another to be pressured to move out. I feel like I've just been served an eviction notice and I have no idea where I can go next.

It's ok. I just have to look to the Lord for an open door that suitable.

2006-06-05T20:46:00.000+08:00

ME first!

"Me First!" seems to be a mentality we encounter almost everyday in Singapore. Whether it is waiting to board MRT trains, queuing for escalators, buying vegetables in the market, driving or entering lifts. You get the picture and I'm sure you've had your run-ins with people who swear by this mantra.

Of course SG citizens can't be blamed. Afterall we did grow up in an education system that stresses the importance of being first all the time. The very need to be first is hotwired into the core of our Singaporean psyche.

But it would seem to me that the application of this principle is somewhat one-sided. While it is a common sight to see people scrambling to be first in line, it is a rare phenomenon to see someone rush to be first to give up their seats to a pregnant lady or be the first to give up their place in a long toilet queue to an elderly person.

Maybe the mentality that underpins our culture is not a "Me First!" but rather a "First, Me". Until the day Singaporeans learn to be emphathetic, compassionate and gracious towards other people, we cannot call ourselves a matured society.

I find it odd, almost laughable, that we should use indicators such as bar top dancing and casinos as markers of a maturing society. What is the true mark of an evolved society? Isn't it compassion for the weaker among us? Isn't it a sense of social responsibility for those who need our help? Isn't it struggling for greater social justice? A truly matured people would have a keen awareness of the common humanity that binds us together, making us interdependent on each other.

A matured nation is one that is humble and gracious.

As far as I can see, Singapore is far from being matured. A better analogy for us currently would be that of a yuppie who has just earned his first paycheck and tasted the sweet wine of purchasing power. So he goes out and indulges himself in all the material luxuries his bank account affords him, thinking he has finally arrived.

There is so much more to life than the material. We will be running on empty soon if, as a nation, we only look to gratify ourselves with material possessions. True maturity comes when the soul develops and begins to see the needs of others as equally important as our own.

Maybe only then can we move away from a "First, me" psyche.

2006-06-04T19:34:00.000+08:00

Feeling young again

I just returned from a youth outing at ECP. It's nice being around these young people. We had tons of fun playing games and getting to know more about each other.

Anyway here are some pics to show the fun we had :)

2006-06-02T08:45:00.000+08:00

Life's Philoshophy from a broken HDD

June is going to be busy month!

I'm finally going to begin renovating my toilet as well as do some refurbishments to the master bedroom and the pink room. Think the whole process will take 2-3 weeks.
Hee... I am excited.

Now for the not so good news - my stupid harddisk has decided to go on strike. I don't think the data is corrupted but for some very technical reasons, I cannot access the information inside the HDD. ARRGGHHH....

You know, I've always meant to back up the important data in my HDD but I just never got round to it. Now that my HDD has failed, I'm intensely regretting my procrastination.

One of the reasons I've been delaying my backup plan is because I'm not quite sure what items to backup. It's ridiculous to back up every single thing but everything just seems so important - from my mp3 files, to my video files, my photos, my financial records, my bible study materials etc etc etc. But now that the HDD has actually malfunctioned, and I'm put in this very undesirable situation, I've suddenly come to realise which files I really really need the most.

You know how you never know what is truly important until you lose them? Yup this is the same thing. Now I know without a shadow of doubt what files I can live without and what files I can't. Yes it is painful to lose some things, esp things that I've taken a lot of effort to accumulate. But if I'm truthful about it, I realise that these things don't seriously incapacitate my normal functioning.

So the good thing out of this experience is at least I'm forced to realise which files are the truly important ones and I will definitley back up in future.

Of course this brings me to my next point. Very often we are unable to differntiate the needs and wants of our lives. Everything we do and possess seem to be important to us and in the crowded cacophony of events and possessions that clamour for our attention, we lose sight of that which is truly important.

If I were to transpose this HDD lesson to my life - what would be the absolutely crucial stuff in life that I cannot afford to lose? Am I spending effort to secure those or am I spending time on frivolous wants?

Hmm... the lessons one can learn from a broken HDD.

2006-05-24T09:58:00.000+08:00

Contractors

Part of my renovation plans include laying wood laminate on the masterbed room floor to give the whole room a cozy feel. Afterall I did not do anything to that room when I first moved in. So I checked with a contractor who quoted me about $1K.

That's pretty expensive. I remember someone telling me that wood laminates are not so expensive. So I started pouring through the classified ads and decided to call some floor laminate suppliers directly.

One of the suppliers came to our place and showed us his product. He quoted us about $600. Apparently according to this supplier, contractors usually mark up their prices by quite a fair bit. He shared this experience:

A contractor who got wood laminate from him quoted the customer $5 per sq foot. However he was only selling the materials to the contractor at $2 per sq foot. In addition, the manpower for installing the wood laminate came from the supplier. So in the end, it was more worthwhile for the customer to order from the supplier himself directly.

Well this is not to say that contractors are no good. I'm sure they are very helpful when it comes to coordinating huge projects. But it is useful to check out the prices from other sources so that we have a better understanding of the situation.

2006-05-22T00:55:00.000+08:00

Me on Da Vinci Code Movie again

Would I watch it, even if I didn't believe what it purported?
An occasion arose today which necessitated me asking myself this question.

Well, this movie does make very strong blasphemous claims against Jesus Christ and the Bible and in doing so, it is making Christianity out to be a joke.

Yes although we can say it is fictional, I think to myself - Why would I want to willingly spend money and time sitting through a movie that lies about my beloved Lord? If I claim to love the Lord, how can I in good conscience still watch a show that blasphemes Him? Such a movie would be utterly detestable to me.

To give an analogy - Say a stranger comes up to me and tells me that mum is a prostitute. I know it is not true but that stranger persists in his tale and even goes on to elaborate on very awful stuff about mum. It's fiction alright but it is offensive fiction.

What would I have done?
Would I have still listened patiently and willingly?
Would I have argued back?
Or maybe I would have just walked away knowing that I had a choice to stop listening to such nonsense.

It's the same with DVC movie. It tells lies about our beloved Jesus, our Lord and Saviour. Why should I willingly submit myself to its blasphemy?

Rather the appropriate response should be one of indignance and sorrow - not curiosity. Just as I would have been disgusted with a stranger who told lies about mum, I should be disgusted with this show rather than attracted to it.

The Bible tells us to love the Lord with all our heart, our soul and our mind. Saying No to DVC movie is definitely part of us standing tall for God. It is part of our expression of love and reverence for Jesus.

What does it mean to love God? It is to love what He loves and hate what He hates.

So I guess after some thought and prayer, I would say NO to the movie, even thought I had initially thought it was ok to watch the show. No I won't go to hell for watching the show - but my response stems more from a personal loyalty and devotion to Christ, my eternal Lord.

Plus of course our church's official stand is to boycott the film. I fully intend to submit to that authority.

2006-05-21T16:32:00.000+08:00

The Da Vinci Code Movie

Now that the DVC movie has officially been released in Singapore, I thought I should say my 2 cents worth about this film which so denigrades the Christian faith.

From what I hear around me, there are basically 3 camps of thought regarding the release of this movie.

The first camp feels that the movie is no big deal and Christians should not get all hyped up over it. The second camp feels that this movie should not have been shown in the first place. The third camp feels that nothing can be done about the matter and so we should just use the movie in a positive manner i.e. to use it as an opportunity to share the gospel with those whose interest has been perked by the it.

I belong to Camp 2.

My very first contention with the movie is that it purports falsehood about the Christian faith and in doing so, it misleads the audience about the fundamental tenets of Christianity. It is NOT just an alternative perspective. It is plain falsehood and lies. Anyone who has put in due diligence to do a proper historical check will see that Dan Brown's claims do not measure up at all. Go on and do a check on the documents Brown claims to have quoted from - you'll find that they are not stuff any self-respecting historian would like to have spotted on his desk.
My second contention is that such a religiously sensitive film should not have been allowed in Singapore which purports to be so religiously sensitive. What is the government's standard on deciding what to censor and what not to?

If the government can allow DVC movie to be screened, despite the National Council of Churches request for it to be banned, why not allow other religiously contentious materials to be screened or published? I can think immediately of the cartoons of Prophet Mohammad or even Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses. Why ban those?

My next question then is why the disparity in treatment? The next time a religiously sensitive blockbuster makes its way to Singapore, I would hope to see Film Censorship Board (FCB) exercise the same standards of censorship. If it can ignore the request of the National Council of Churches, then I would expect it to similarly ignore the requests of other religious bodies, be it Muslim, Sikh, Buddhist and so on.

Actually I really feel that FCB's treatment of the DVC movie is very very unfair to the christian community in Singapore. It's really a lack of respect for the christian community. Why should we silently tolerate a film that so denigrades our faith? Why should we tolerate a film that purports such vehement lies about Jesus? It's like tolerating a man telling eveyone my mum is a prostitute. It's the same thing. Why don't christians fight back? Surely there must be some more forceful way we can make our stand known?

But upon deeper reflection, I realise that Jesus doesn't need us to defend him in this manner. He doesn't need us to fight for him. He is God and He can use ALL THINGS for his glory. Even things that we deem utterly deplorable - God can use them for His Purposes because He is above it all. As angry and indignant as I may feel inside me, I know that the way of Jesus is the way of suffering. I cannot possibly take arms against my own country. I can only pray and submit our government to God, knowing that He is in total control.

This brings to mind an article I read some time back.

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"Being Mocked: The Essence of Christ’s Work, Not Muhammad’s."

That’s the most basic difference between Christ and Muhammad and between a Muslim and a follower of Christ. For Christ, enduring the mockery of the cross was the essence of his mission. And for a true follower of Christ enduring suffering patiently for the glory of Christ is the essence of obedience. “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account” (Matthew 5:11). During his life on earth Jesus was called a bastard (John 8:41), a drunkard (Matthew 11:19), a blasphemer (Matthew 26:65), a devil (Matthew 10:25); and he promised his followers the same: “If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household” (Matthew 10:25).

The caricature and mockery of Christ has continued to this day. Martin Scorsese portrayed Jesus in The Last Temptation of Christ as wracked with doubt and beset with sexual lust. Andres Serrano was funded by the National Endowment for the Arts to portray Jesus on a cross sunk in a bottle of urine. The Da Vinci Code portrays Jesus as a mere mortal who married and fathered children.

How should his followers respond? On the one hand, we are grieved and angered. On the other hand, we identify with Christ, and embrace his suffering, and rejoice in our afflictions, and say with the apostle Paul that vengeance belongs to the Lord, let us love our enemies and win them with the gospel. If Christ did his work by being insulted, we must do ours likewise.

2006-05-21T16:26:00.000+08:00

Small World

miss AK: Oh you have a blog!
me: Er...how did u find me?
miss AK: well I was at XX's blog, when I saw a link to a YYphotoblog which linked me to Ms Snooze's blog which linked me to yours.
me: wow! small world huh?

Miss AK, if u are reading this, kudos to your excellent investigative powers :)

2006-05-15T10:02:00.000+08:00

God's faithfulness

Very often when told to ponder on God's faithfulness, most people would think of the moments of blessings God provided e.g. the gift of a healthy baby, a pay increment, a healed ailment, or an answered prayer. It is also common for us to think about His sustenance during moments of intense trials and pain.

However what we often miss out are the moments when God leads us back to Him when we backslide. There are moments in our lives when we draw away from God and become very far from Him. During these times, it is His Faithfulness that causes Him to construct events that would lead us back to Him. Those events could be gentle reminders from the pulpit or painful encounters that make us realise how much we need Him.

Because of our backsliding, we cease to desire Him in our hearts. However our lack of desire for Him does not make God's desire for us any less intense.

Thank God that even when we have loosened our grip, He continues to hold us firmly - like a father who holds his child's hand tightly even though the child has stopped holding the father's hand.

That's the beauty of God's faithfulness to us. His faithfulness is not dependent on our faithfulness or our good works.

He is faithful despite our unfaithfulness.

He is faithful despite our inadequacies.

He is faithful inspite of our doubts.

Where would I be today without His faithfulness.

Praise God. Praise God.

2006-05-15T09:28:00.000+08:00

Blessed Birthday

Darling Denny!

2006-05-14T11:47:00.000+08:00

Knowing You (All I once held dear)

All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

CHORUS:
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness,
And I love You Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and know as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

Music by Graham Kendrick

2006-05-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

Sharing something I saw

2 days ago I was at Harbourfront MRT when this happened.

Whenever I walk through the MRT ticket turnstile, I would secretly fear that the red flaps (don't know what's the exact technical name for them) would close just as I'm walking pass them and my hips would get bruised.

Well something like that happened 2 days ago except it happened to a little caucasian girl.

The little girl was walking through the turnstile when the red flaps hit her in the head. She collapsed and burst out crying immediately. Her dad, who was behind her, rushed to her rescue. I could only imagine how painful it must have been. But he didn't complain to the MRT staff. If my daughter had been the victim, I'm quite sure I would have raised hell.

The flaps hit her in the head you know... my goodness!

2006-05-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

The High Cost of Faith - About Hillsong Church

I got this article from wooq. It was originally posted on Signposts.

This is an article on Hillsong Church, its phenomenal success as well as the corruption/secular issues that is plaguing the church. I must warn you that it's rather long but worth reading , especially if you are a fan of Hillsong music and see their church as a model of church success.

Of course I'm not asking you to believe everything the article insinuates, but at least be open to it, especially since it quotes heavily from Geoff Bullock, a pillar in the Hillsong ministry. For me personally, I think money and power corrupts and even the most spiritual of saints will find it hard not to fall into the temptations they offer.

---------------------------------------------

The High Cost of Faith
Published by News Limited, 29 April 2006, by Jennifer Sexton.

As crowds - and their cash - flood into Hillsong Church, former members tell Jennifer Sexton about the heavy price they paid for leaving the flock.

Whoa! I wanna know you, I wanna know you today." With that catchy lyric, the lead singer rips into a punky-pop riff on his electric guitar as the band and side-stage choir spring to life. Over a sea of raised arms, five cameras capture the action as the audience, in time with the lanky, tousle-haired lead singer, belts out a thundering chorus: "You're the best thing that has happened to me."

No, this isn't MTV live. It's Hillsong Church, part religious service, part rock concert, part multi-media conglomerate. Every weekend at Hillsong churches in Sydney 19,000 people sing, clap and jump through a two-hour tribute to a God who rocks. As traditional religious congregations shrink, Hillsong attendance expanded more than 13 per cent in 2004.

There are no images of Jesus being tortured on the cross at Hillsong headquarters in Sydney's Baulkham Hills, no vaulted ceilings. The audience sits not on wooden pews but on 3500 cushioned theatre seats. Under each one is an envelope and credit card form for believers to donate their pre-tax 10 per cent salary tithe. Ushers flood the aisles and pass black buckets down each row. The buckets have holes in the bottom, presumably to discourage parish-ioners from giving coins. And the rivers of cash keep flowing: donations and salary tithes to Hillsong were $15.3 million in 2004; merchandise, CDs, books and DVDs, returned a further $6.93 million, while total church revenue has now passed the $50 million mark - all tax-free thanks to Hillsong's charitable status. And then there are the donations - it's anybody's guess how much - from the owners of the $40 million Gloria Jean's coffee empire, Nabi Saleh and Peter Irvine, who are both senior members of Hillsong, the former as treasurer. The message of Hillsong's prosperity gospel is: the richer you are, the more you can help others.

But along with the expanding congregation and profit margins have come the ugly rumours that won't go away - of underhanded treatment of disaffected church members, of attempts to silence critics, of profiteering from the faithful. Only last month, the Labor Mayor of Blacktown in Sydney's west, Leo Kelly, accused Hillsong of attempting to pressure him, via an ALP state official, to dampen his criticism of their use of public funds.

Hillsong's main benevolent arm, Hillsong Emerge Ltd, has been accused in federal and NSW parliament of misappropriating commonwealth grants worth millions of dollars. And a former member, Robert John Orehek, was charged with fraud after allegedly fleecing believers of up to $20 million, which he sank into failed and fraudulent property investments.

THE KING OF HILLSONG EVANGELISM, Brian Houston, bounds onto the stage, clad in a dapper suit. "The faithful are in church tonight," he declares, surveying the auditorium. "Awesome!" The background music fades away and the house lights brighten. People reach into their bags for Bibles and notebooks. Houston savours a silent pause. He's been thinking about the seven deadly sins. "What would be my deadly sins, destructive in the lives of people?" Avarice, gluttony and wrath are apparently old hat. Houston instead says the sins are negativity, regret, complacency. Just a few weeks later, Hillsong's formidable marketing arm has swung into action, releasing a four-CD set of Houston's teaching on the sins that undermine potential in people, retailing for $35 in the church shop.

Houston has become the most influential pastor in the Pentecostal movement, and is a household name to born-again Australians. He also has political pulling power: Prime Minister John Howard, Treasurer Peter Costello and former NSW premier Bob Carr have all addressed the Hillsong congregation in recent years. In the last federal election, Hillsong member Liberal Louise Markus narrowly snatched from Labor the seat of Greenway, next to Hillsong's Baulkham Hills church.

After the service - there are 30 every week in the two main Sydney venues, Baulkham Hills and Waterloo - people pour into the Hillsong shop. Half of the back display is devoted to the CDs and books by Houston and his perky wife of 28 years, Bobbie. Their bright white teeth and perfect hair seem to shine down from dozens of book and CD covers. In Bobbie's CD set She Loves and Values her Sexuality she proclaims, "You might be happy with your weight but is your husband happy with your weight? … How are you going to do anything that might surprise your man when you need a hydraulic crane just to turn over in bed?" Boob jobs and face lifts get the thumbs up, as do good sex and a husband who says sorry with an impromptu spending spree at the jewellers. It's a feel-good message, and when it doesn't feel good, money makes it better.

GEOFF BULLOCK KNOWS ALL about Hillsong's brand power and merchandising. He helped build it, even coming up with the name Hillsong more than 17 years ago. He launched the church on the international Christian music scene when he wrote most of the original songs, such as Power of Your Love, Refresh My Heart and Have Faith in God. For the church's first decade he was Brian Houston's best friend. For eight years, until a messy split in 1995, he ran the music department, nerve centre of "the brand". Although his songs are now rarely played at Hillsong, they are popular on the international Christian music scene and Bullock lives off composition royalties paid through APRA (the Australasian Performing Rights Association).

When I meet Bullock at a sunny, beachside terrace cafe he is edgy and constantly apologises - for knocking the table as he crosses his legs, for being unable to eat much of his salad. A short, tidy man with intense blue eyes, he is approaching his 50th birthday. He hasn't slept much in anticipation of revealing the backstage story behind the "miles of smiles" at Hillsong. "It was very nice being at the top of the tree but it just … " He pauses, swallows. "This is going to sound dramatic. They stole my soul."

Bullock's moment of religious revelation struck in 1978 at Sydney's Koala Motor Inn, where Houston's father, Frank, was preaching. Bullock was 23 and had been touring the east coast in a rock'n'roll band, smoking dope and reading Carlos Castaneda's stories of magic and sorcery. "It was wild," he recalls of that November night. They sang hymns to a funked-up polka tune played with live piano, drums and bass. In the latest fashion blue safari suit, at the centre of the throng was the bespectacled 56-year-old preacher, Frank Houston, who declared that he used to smoke cigarettes before Jesus saved him. "People were trying to put cigarettes in his mouth," says Bullock. "He lay down and he spat them out. It was a show of great confidence and charisma."

Bullock was a needy, naive Sydney North Shore lad, schooled at the Presbyterian Knox Grammar. He believed in a higher being and was willing to try anything to reach Him, including cannabis. "I was absolutely ready for brainwashing. I was absolutely ripe for 'love bombing'." So, just two hours after walking into his first evangelical experience, Bullock answered God's call, and his 21-year-old Anglican girlfriend from Lithgow in country NSW, Janine, followed. Individually, in back rooms, they were counselled. They had been born again and were now committed to Jesus. Satan would fight to get them back, they were warned. "I went in with a confident world view and I came out quite rattled. My whole belief structure had been turned on its head."

He said goodbye to his rock'n'roll band, Arnhem, and to smoking, drinking and playing the occasional gig in topless bars in Sydney. A church leader came to his house and threw out his extensive collection of music - Joni Mitchell, Pink Floyd, The Beatles. "I had this wonderful group of friends, a great lifestyle, going listening to bands. All of that was viewed as being 'of the devil' … I didn't lose some friends, I lost all my friends."

Five years later, when 29-year-old Brian Houston set up his own church, Hills Christian Life Centre, in the newly suburban northern hills of outer Sydney, Bullock was a founding member. Young Houston was inspired by Tony Packard, who established a high–profile Holden car dealership in the area at Baulkham Hills with the catchcry "Let me do it right for you".

Bullock was among the 70 believers at Pastor Brian Houston's first service on Sunday, August 14, 1983, at Baulkham Hills Public School. From here a Pentecostal phenomenon called Hillsong was born. Bullock sang, played piano and was music frontman on stage for at least three services every Sunday. He recorded the church's first six albums, three of which went gold, one platinum. He also ran the Bible college curriculum. For this he earned no more than $45,000 a year from the church and gave back a pre-tax tithe of 10 per cent, even when he couldn't pay his growing family's bills. Now he is being treated for post-traumatic stress disorder after being expunged from the church he helped build.

Bullock and Janine married in 1980 and had five children within a decade. At the height of his Christian stardom in the late 1980s to mid-1990s, Bullock toured the United States, Britain, Asia and New Zealand with an expanding repertoire of songs. For Sydney Sunday services they rose at 6am to set up the band and audio equipment and then rehearse ahead of morning, afternoon and evening church services. He was too busy to notice he was failing as a husband and father. "We had to put our parenting on hold," he says.

Bullock began to feel like a real estate agent selling a manufactured ideal of God rather than one he really believed in. "I think Hillsong's still got it, this feeling that God smiles a bit more when we're singing our songs, and we've got good hairdressers, dentists, cosmetic surgeons. I came to think that the patron saint of Hillsong was Gianni Versace."

Christmas Eve 1994 was the end for Bullock. He had rehearsed the choir and band to play the standard church repertoire for three Christmas services. Just hours before the first service, Houston discovered Bullock had not rehearsed traditional Christmas carols. "He just tore me to shreds and then left me to do three services," Bullock says. Houston got his Christmas carols that night, but it finished his partnership with Bullock.

Once Bullock departed, a campaign of whispering about his morality and sexuality filtered throughout the church. When he broke up with Janine a few months later, his subsequent relationship with a married woman (whom he later married) was, he says, twisted to become the reason he had been forced out. At the same time, Houston preached about dark forces intent on undermining the church. "They ran a huge campaign to discredit me," fumes Bullock.

Janine says she changed her phone number to stop friends from the church calling to tell her Bullock's departure and their marriage break-up was against God's will. She once hid in the wardrobe when a woman visited her house a second time. "I couldn't bear her preaching at me again, telling me that this wasn't of God."

Janine still goes to Hillsong once a month, but says she can't help but be cynical about the facade of spirituality compared with the lack of compassion and understanding she experienced. But, she adds, "there's some beautiful Christian people who attend there".

GEOFF BULLOCK ISN'T THE ONLY FOUNDING member of Hillsong to question its methods and ethics. For a decade until 1991, Stephen Grant was paid $100 a week to preach at Hillsong and was dean of the church's Bible college. He admits that, as an eccentric, he was a strange fit for a fundamentalist church.

Still, Grant came from a wealthy family - he now runs a successful art gallery in Sydney's Redfern - and had pledged (but never paid) $150,000 to the church's building fund. He had a beautiful wife and was entertaining at the pulpit. He wore loud, colourful suits and sometimes a red leotard. When he blew on the congregation, the entire room of people would fall over.

But he realised his views diverged from Houston's when they travelled together to the US in 1988. "In the US, I saw the wholesale commercialisation of born-again Christianity. I went, 'Nah, truth is becoming a commodity here. It's not a question of internal search, it's a question of external commodification.'" But Houston liked what he saw and soon Hillsong's fundraising became increasingly glitzy.

"I started to question what the bloody hell I was doing," Grant, 46, reflects. "I was preaching all over the world. But I was getting really depressed." He had lost both his parents and his marriage was under pressure. Grant subsequently discovered that, in the inner sanctum of the church, his wife was being encouraged to recognise that he did not belong.

His clinical depression was seen by the church as a sign of faltering faith. "I knew there was nothing wrong with my faith, and yet I was told: 'You are not believing in Jesus enough.'" The Hillsong website backs up Grant's claim. "Depression," it declares, "is a supernatural spirit straight from the devil."

When Grant broke up with his wife and left the church, like Bullock, he had to start life all over again, outside the Hillsong fortress. "People find a lot of healing in the church. I don't have a problem with that. But … if you are kicked out, you are f—ed."

The Christian message of the shepherd seeking lambs lost from the flock doesn't apply at Hillsong, says Grant. "It was forbidden for me to be visited by the members of the church. Damn the lost lambs." His recovery took five years.

The sentiment is echoed by theology student Penny Davis, who took years to rebuild her self-esteem after a shattering experience at Hillsong, which began in 1995 when she was just 20. Women who don't fit Bobbie Houston's mould at Hillsong, or those brave enough to challenge the male hierarchy, are swiftly brought into line, she says. With ambitions to become a pastor, Davis quickly realised she needed to change her wardrobe. "To get anywhere, you had to become a clone," she quips. "I grew my hair, started wearing make-up and doing all the nice girly things."

Life became very full, and it was all about church. She moved into a share house with four other young women from Hillsong, volunteered two days a week at church and did paid work with the Hillsong community youth centre three days a week, earning a weekly income of $600, less the 10 per cent salary tithe. "The pressure at Hills to be glamorous and have everything as well - it's quite difficult on a low income."

Just months after joining, she slept with a woman from the church - one who later confided about the liaison to a youth leader. Davis was immediately counselled that homosexuality was a sin. "I was just so vulnerable," Davis says simply. She was assigned a mentor, who claimed she had successfully corrected her own "dysfunctional" sexuality. They spoke at least once a week, when Davis had to confess any lesbian fantasies. The mentor also read Davis's diaries. After the "problem" persisted, she was put into an 18-week "ex-gay" program called Living Waters, then conducted at Hillsong. Once a week she attended the Living Waters group sessions, where she was told to focus on problems in her past which may have triggered her sexual "dysfunction". "I was committed to getting these things fixed," Davis says.

Three years of counselling, sessions with a psychiatrist and group therapies failed, however. Davis resorted to grabbing joyful glances at a video of Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras while her flatmates were out, she laughs. "I started to subconsciously realise that this was not going to change … the shame and guilt were eating me up inside."

Davis decided her sexuality and spirituality could never be reconciled at Hillsong and made the momentous decision to leave. In response, her Hillsong friends sent a barrage of text messages quoting the Bible on the "sin" of homosexuality. She was kicked out of her house and then her friends froze her out, ignoring her emails and phone calls. "She's gone, we have restructured, there's no need to continue communicating with her" was the message sent to her Hillsong friends by church leaders, claims Davis.

Social worker Tanya Levin, who spent her teenage years at Hillsong, says that those who question church policy are first shouted down and later ostracised if they persist. Levin has been commissioned to write a book about growing up in an evangelical church. For research, Levin attended the annual Hillsong women's conference Colour Your World last March and took offence when poor children in Africa were being marketed for sponsors in the audience on the basis of being cute. "They are actually for life, not just for Christmas," Levin shouted before walking out of the auditorium.

When she wrote an email the next month to the Houstons asking to meet them on a regular basis in order to gather material for her book, she got this curt response from the general manager, George Aghajanian: "We are aware that during your attendance at our recent Colour Your World Women's Conference you caused a significant disruption. It is for this reason that we ask you to refrain from attending any future Hillsong church services or events; including accessing Hillsong's land and premises at any time." Aghajanian closed by saying the church's leadership and staff were unable to provide assistance for the book.

When Levin subsequently attended a Sunday evening service, a pastor asked to speak to her outside. When she attempted to get back in to retrieve her bag, two security guards blocked her path, picked her up by the elbows and escorted her off the premises.

Brian Houston refused numerous opportunities to comment for this story, except to say: "More than 19,000 people come to Hillsong Church every weekend and I know that the overwhelming majority of them would testify to a healthy experience for both themselves and their families. They would also speak of the constant positive impact they see on others who are being helped through Hillsong Church and its many community programs."

There is no doubt that Hillsong - or, closer to the mark, its loyal parishioners - perform many good deeds. The church has a number of charitable arms, including Mercy Ministries, a residence for girls dealing with unplanned pregnancies and eating disorders established five years ago by Hillsong's Darlene Zschech, the country's most popular and successful Christian singer. Although recently mired in controversy, the church's main benevolent arm, Hillsong Emerge, has helped people find jobs and recover from addictions. Hillsong attendees sponsor about 2600 children in Uganda, and generously gave $500,000 to victims of the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami.

But the criticism seems likely to persist as long as Hillsong makes $50 million in revenue, pays no tax and yet spends just $2.67 million on "welfare services". It is not clear how much Mercy Ministries gets from Hillsong, but its total donations were just $304,840 in 2004. And Hillsong Emerge's 2004 accounts show it got only $646,666 from the Hillsong Foundation Trust and about that again in government grants.

And Houston has been less than transparent about his own income. Until last year he had failed to declare that he and Bobbie had sold their own personal property holdings to a Hillsong-related entity of which he is a director, Leadership Ministries Incorporated. Bobbie sold a Bondi beachfront apartment on the same block as Jamie Packer's pad to the not-for-profit LMI for $650,000 in February 2002. The couple also sold a waterfront property on the Hawkesbury River in October 2004 to LMI for $780,000, making $535,000 on their 1998 purchase price. They continue to use both these properties.

LMI is the tax-free entity Hillsong set up as a vehicle to pay the couple's income. In breach of Office of Fair Trading reporting rules, no financial statements had been lodged since its inception in October 2001. Only after the property deals were uncovered by The Australian were the accounts filed in August last year. When the numbers came in they revealed the golden couple got a measly net income, after donations, of just $21,658 in the year to December 2002, $12,739 in 2003 and $69,041 in 2004.

If this is all there is, then how do the couple and two of their three children pull off a property buying spree worth $1.738 million over 12 months in exclusive beachside Bondi? On August 26, 2003, son Joel, who is a lead singer in the Hillsong band and earns song-writing royalties, bought a $676,000 apartment a few minutes' walk from the LMI-owned apartment, paying $276,000 up front. That same day Brian and Bobbie paid $650,000 with a collateral mortgage for the apartment next door to Joel's. Exactly a year later, son Ben borrowed just $90,000 to buy a $412,000 apartment a few streets from the other family holdings.

And questions persist about why it took 30 years for Brian Houston's father, Frank, to be exposed over a complaint of sexual abuse of a boy in his homeland of New Zealand. Houston says his father was banned from preaching in 2000, when he confessed. But Frank continued to live on the Hillsong account, in church digs, until his death in November 2004.

Houston has hiring and firing rights over the board, and has appointed some influential and rich men to control the church's empire (there are no women, he says, because one of the board members won't allow it). The general manager of Hillsong - psychologist George Aghajanian - now oversees a $100 million property portfolio. And Hillsong has its sights on lucrative new markets in Europe - it opened a church in Paris last year and already has churches in London and Kiev.

Geoff Bullock says he can't help but admire Houston. "He works hard and is gifted. He deserves to be a wealthy man." But when told how little Houston is claiming as net income Bullock is incredulous - especially knowing the charismatic pastor's fondness for Valentino suits and first-class plane tickets. And then there are the thousands of dollars in "love offerings" Houston regularly personally pockets for every talk he gives on the international Pentecostal speaking circuit. "Why not just be open about it?" Bullock asks.

As Bullock watches the church lurch from one controversy to the next, he has a sense of foreboding. He muses there is a valid expectation that the church should pour more money into helping others and less into promoting itself and amassing wealth. "In the end, it's just sad," he says, looking into his coffee cup. "It does look like it's approaching a train wreck."

Jennifer Sexton is a senior writer on The Australian.

2006-05-11T10:37:00.000+08:00

Working Today

Tomorrow is a public holiday. So quite xian to work hard today. Think it would be even harder for those who are planning for a long weekend break overseas :)

I'm itching to go overseas again. Mum & Dad may be going Russia later this year but I don't think I can join them. Imagine all the nice photo opportunities I'd be missing.

Tonight I'll be meeting my designer who is helping us renovate our masterbedrm & toilet. I'm quite excited to see what design she has in store for us. She called me over the phone and told me what she's planning to do and how she's also designing a contemporary poster bed for us. My jaw dropped temporarily. Hmm I wonder if I forgot to tell her my shoestring budget?

Let me tell you more about this designer. Let's call her Shue. Shue comes highly recommended by Wolverine, one of my X-men colleagues at work. He said he had a very good experience working with her and that she still bothers to maintain contact with his wife. Good customer relations skills. When I finally met Shue, I have to admit she does inspire confidence. She speaks with an air of authority in design matters and she was able to proffer so much design ideas, even when I elaborated on the constraints I had. She also offered to take me shopping for toilet fixtures. She gets a designer commission if I purchase the items from the shops she takes me to, but her policy is to return that commission back to her clients which translates as a form of cost savings to us.

When she came to my place to survey my toilet, which is the real source of my current headache, she told me that I just needed to change the door and install an extractor fan. This would be enough to fight the mould problems I was facing. However I was game for something more unconventional as I also wanted to drastically improve the lighting condition in the dark and dank toilet. That got her excited. We're probably talking about hacking down toilet walls?

Well Shue also told me candidly that my dark kitchen probably needed more work than my bathroom but I'm kinda fixated with the bathroom problem so I'll just stick to that. The kitchen can wait a few more years. That'll be another mega project.

Hubby really wants the toilet and masterbedroom to be well done so he said it was ok to pay a bit more as long as Shue does a good job, unlike our previous contractor Boon Siew. We were really unhappy with their shoddy work. Water leaks and uneven floor tiles that cut are hallmarks by which we will always remember Boon Siew. The only thing they did right for us was the paint job. No quarrels there.

OK enuff talking. Back to work now.

2006-05-11T08:48:00.000+08:00

My lack of linguistic competence

This morning when I took the lift to work, I met a Chinese cleaning uncle who was polishing the metal fixtures in the lift. There was a Malay lady in the lift and he started conversing with her in simple Malay. Because it was simple vocab like Good Morning and Have you eaten? , I could understand a little. When the lady got out, the uncle turned his attention to me.

Uncle: You don't know how to speak Malay?

Me: (duh?) er no Uncle I don't.

Uncle: Why not? You live in Singapore must learn. Everything also must learn a bit. (gives a disapproving look)

Me: silence

Uncle: Everything also must learn

Me: Ok bye uncle.

I have often admired some of my friends who can speak many local languages and dialects. Some of them can speak English, Mandarin, Malay, Cantonese, Hakka, Hokkien, Teochew & Hainan all rather fluently. When I see them interact with other people using these tongues, I am envious of their linguistic competence. I have tried my hand at Hokkien but had an auntie commented that I sounded French.

I am kinda resigned to the fact that I really cannot make it in the linguistic department. Think I shall just stick to English, Mandarin and my absolute specialty - Singlish!

Talking about Singlish - it is really not an easy linguistic system to learn. I've come to realise that Singlish has it's own rules of usage and it's own grammar and intricate intonations as well. That's why native singlish speakers can spot a non-native speaker in an instance. Something just doesn't quite click when we hear them speak. I'm not sure if linguists have attempted to piece together a grammar book on Singlish but give a few more years, I'm sure this can be accomplished when Singlish has moe or less stabalised.

2006-05-10T13:47:00.000+08:00

Countries I've never knew existed

I subscribe to some sort of travel alert service and through this service I've come to realise some countries I have never even heard of.

Burundi - Central Africa, east of Democratic Republic of the Congo.
Guinea - Western Africa, bordering the North Atlantic Ocean, between Guinea-Bissau and Sierra Leone
Gabon - Western Africa, bordering the Atlantic Ocean at the Equator, between Republic of the Congo and Equatorial Guinea
Lesotho - Southern Africa, an enclave of South Africa
Guyana - Northern South America, bordering the North Atlantic Ocean, between Suriname and Venezuela
Suriname - Northern South America, bordering the North Atlantic Ocean, between French Guiana and Guyana

Well of course I'm sure there are many more countries I don't know of. I did a google and found that there are 193 countries in the world currently. If you exclude Taiwan, then there are 192 countries.

Actually you just have to flip through the CIA World Factbook to find the names of all the countries there are.